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There's no doubt that female friendships are special but some say it is essential for our survival...

Article: Erla-Mari Diedericks from Ideas
Image: Ablestock

Male and female friendshipsdiffer vastly, say authors Allan and Barbara Pease in Why Men Lie and Women Cry (Orion). Have you wondered why two male best friends can spend an evening together and not talk about one personal detail or not talk at all?

According to the Peases, men are traditionally 'fire gazers'. Because they were originally hunters, they have evolved the ability to spend hours without saying a word. When men do talk, they tend to discuss the bare facts, whereas women are interested in the feelings behind the facts.

We're not gossiping, we're surviving
It's been clinically proven that, when under stress, the body releases specific chemicals. Until recently the scientists thought they were 'fight or flight' response chemicals. Researchers at the University of California in Los Angeles have found, however, that when women are under stress, the released hormones do not entice them to either fight or flee but to stay put and form friendships with other women.

The researchers think this is a throwback to ancient times when it was better for survival that a woman stayed where she was and looked after the children, rather than to flee. Authors Allan and Barbara Pease say that making friends with other cave women also ensured a support system in case the husband or partner died, leaving the mother to fend for herself and her family.

One reason why female friendships are good for stress, they say, is that women tend to discuss their problems with each other over and over – this repetition appears to be a good stress releaser.

To tell or not to tell
While friendships among women are healthy, it is important to make sure your friend can be trusted before you tell her any dark secrets, warns Jan Yager in When Friendship Hurts (Fireside). He advises that you think twice before sharing the following:

Business secrets

Bedroom secrets

Secrets that may harm someone else

Anything you would not like to be broadcast on the six o’clock news.

More reasons to have friends
However, the importance of these friendships cannot be undermined. In fact, a woman's identity is closely linked to her friends, says relationship researcher Ruthellen Josselson. A woman is often introduced to new interests, ideologies and hobbies by friends, she says. Research has also found that friendships can help improve self-esteem and can provide a different outlook on the world.

Women make the best friends
Over the years, it has come to light in various research projects into human relationships that both men and women find female friends to be the best. The secret, say authors Ellen Goodman and Pat O'Brien in I Know Just What You Mean: The Power of Friendship in Women's Lives (Simon and Schuster), is that women are good talkers and listeners.

Defining friendships
When author Jan Yager asked people to describe a good friend, their criteria of a best buddy were someone:

With whom you can be yourself

Who you can turn to in times of need

Who listens closely without judging

Who does not interrupt your tale of woe to discuss her problem instead.

Can you attest to the healing powers of a good female friendship? Share your story in the comment box below.