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Working mothers – are we skiving?

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Do working mothers have it easier than others? Sam tackles the issue.

Article: Sam Wilson from women24
Image: Tammy Gardner

Do you think working mothers have it easier at work than non-breeders?

Fairlady ran a story on this terribly touchy topic a while back, which I found really brave and interesting. And... eye-opening.

I feel nothing asking my boss, Deirdre (who is also a working mother) for time off if I need to cover for my husband or housekeeper on the child care front. That's the upside.

I'm very careful not to abuse this, though. I can access our office server from home and Deirdre and I have many a 9 – 11pm email work discussion, after our four children are safely down. It's this tacit understanding – that we both know we work at night – which allows us a little (and only a little) day time flexibility.

Given the number of working mothers I find online at night, I'm assuming this arrangement is fairly standard for us mother-managers. I don't know whether it works for mothers with more day-to-day output commitments. You tell me.

Of course, we could never make this arrangement official as that would screw with our entrenched concept of professionalism – work and home don't mix in the corporate world. (Don't get me started on that actually, it's one of my pet peeves. Just because you can't do two things at once boys, doesn't mean we can't).

But where does that leave the non-sprogged among us? Are they left carrying the can?

One of my friends, Nicola, firmly believes so.

"Breeders always trump leave requests," she spat over drinks one evening. "And is it my fault YOUR kid needs the dentist? Or that sports day happens during the working week?

"Hell, if I asked to go watch my boyfriend play soccer on a Wednesday afternoon, I'd be laughed out of the office. It drives me mad."

I get her point. But I'd like to hear yours. Are there mothers out there with one foot in the office and one in the park? Or are the kid-free being childish?

Do you agree with Sam's opinion? Share your thoughts below.

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Have something to say?

siyabulela
05 Sep at 14:11

well i'm not a mother biologically but i am raising my 16 year old brother as our parents passed away. now i am working and studying at the same time, it's difficult but i'm able to deliver at work, home and my studies are going realy well, my point is, i dont think working mothers should be given extra benefits because they have to attend soccer games or take the child to a dentist or the nanny not showing up, they should be treated just the same any other working woman, i know this may sound rather harsh but isn't it what we are forever fighting for, to be treated equally? now if we keep on having these little things on the side, how will men ever find us equal? now this is from a mother and i know very well about those days you wish you could attend a hockey game or perfomance at school but we chose to be working mothers and should not expect any favours just like our counter parts without kids, they dont get preferance and so should we.

B4GU
05 Sep at 14:18

Kid Free people tend to work harder. Or that is the illusion.

Liz
05 Sep at 14:34

Sam ? I love all your columns! I?ve learnt that you do tend to get more sympathy (re the family problems) from the men you work with! I have experienced more women discriminating against women in the working environment than men discriminating against the working moms. It is always the older single girls that I think are just jealous / the ?happily divorced? ones without kids? The excuse to ?take off work because of the children? is only acceptable while the kids are still small and get sick and need their mother. As they get bigger, it does get better ? I promise! Working moms I know - must time manage like crazy! I respect the ones that rush around every lunch hour to either shop for school projects or drive kids between school and home / other activities. I'm lucky as I've got my mom to rely on for that. Other working mothers that "make it" are the ones that know how to rely on / partner with the nanny / au-pair at home / grandmother. We do start getting more Dads that help with these tasks. Dads? careers in general tend to get priority, but they do help, don?t they! I know of an engineering company where all staff must work half an hour later everyday ? so that they can take ANY afternoon off! It works very well and all staff treated fair. So let?s start pushing for this, gals!

peewee
05 Sep at 15:16

As a working mom with a three year old that goes to daycare, I start work an hour earlier, I work through my lunch and I work an hour and a half after work hours each day and that entitles me to go off at any time I need to for the sake of my child being sick etc. However, I don't abuse this understanding I have between myself and my boss. Thankfully I have an understanding boss that will let me go off immediately if I ask on the last minute if my child is sick etc but I will make sure my work is always up to date or that I am able to catch up on it the next available day that I'm in the office - so it's all about prioritising and good time management between family work home. I agree with Liz 100%

sheila
05 Sep at 16:02

My pet peeve is working moms who rely on non working or even worse, working from home moms, to be available to fetch and carry - myself and daughter work from home - with 2 primary school boys here - the number of my daughters working friends who take advatage of our situation is quite mind boggling.

coco
08 Sep at 12:34

Women with children or not, we can't forget why we all work - to deliver value to the company we work for! I am aware of people who can spend hours in the office with nothing to show for it. Anyone - man or woman, with or without kids, who has the nerve to ASK for emergency - or leisure time off should be conscious of their work load and expectations from both clients and line managers, and honour that responsibility. Frankly - as long as people deliver - and keep work up to date, they should be allowed as much time off as they need. I say: girlfriends should go watch boyfriends fool around in the park; husbands should surprise their wives with a matinee, grandma's must take the grandkids to ballets competitions and mothers must respond to home emergencies with no guilt - as long as they don't shirk responsibilities at work and put in extra when the business requires.

Robert
08 Sep at 15:25

I wouldn't employ mothers... or fathers for that mattter! I would expect them to attend every possible meeting that they could. Guess it's really a catch 22 situation each time. But in reality the folk that pick up the slack are those that don't have kids.

Nikki
08 Sep at 21:24

Rather than men and women with kids? Why aren't fathers doing their share of fetching the kids and ferrying them around?

Mom
08 Sep at 22:25

Having a full time career and being a mother is hectic!!! Fathers do help but they can very seldom be the mother. My children (3 and 5) needs me when going to dr. I do have lots of support and systems in place but flexibility is neccessary. One should rather concentrate on output at work then strictly following the clock!! Most women having a career and parent are very aware of this. Men understand this much better than other (single/childless) women. They are really the worst people as they have no sympathy or empathy. I think all employees should be judged on achieving goals and get away from clocks. We waste hours in traffic to be at work at 8h00 like sheep!!! You could have spend this at work or with your children a lot more productive. Everybody needs more flexiblity to be more productive!!

Nelisa
24 Oct at 15:30

Ideally, mothers shouldn't really work but since we have no choice. We do. One thing I've noticed though is that if you don't have kids, you'll never experience what mothers go through: good and the not-so-good. As a single mother, I have no one else to take my daughter to the doctor if she's ill, no one to stay at home if my help doesn't pitch. These are all motherhood hazards that are unavoidable. How does this fit into the workplace? It doesn't because I shouldn't even be working and mothering.