Toxic thoughts

In order to tackle your negative thoughts you need to identify the different types of toxic thinking:

Trouble-making thoughts
These normally occur when you feel hard done by. In this thinking scenario, you don’t even consider the other side of the story. For example, you might feel that your boss was wrong not to promote you, thinking, "How dare she not consider me. She has had it in for me ever since I started here, etc." The danger of this type of thinking is that it might lead to overreaction on your part and to impulsive acts of retribution, such as resigning the next day.

Mountain-making thoughts
These start when we notice that we're feeling upset in general or when we think of a recent event, says Susan. When you start dissecting the situation, your thoughts could get out of control. For example: "Why am I feeling so down? Maybe I’m depressed because I have no friends. Or maybe it’s because of everything that happened in my past." Before you know it, all these possibilities seem likely, the molehill has become a mountain and you’ll probably be more depressed than ever and might even make the wrong decisions.

Numb-making thoughts
When your thoughts start jumping around like a frog on a hot stove, it can only have chaotic consequences. Chaotic thinking normally goes like this: 'I can’t cope with the pressure of my job. I’m going to be fired. My best friend is never at home. She cares more about her tennis-playing friends than about me. I will die a lonely old person. I’m a mess and I don’t know what to do.' Chaotic over-thinking immobilises you. When all your thoughts are going in circles, you can't think straight. This might overwhelm you and it often leads to some people trying to drown out their thoughts with drugs and alcohol.

Stop the negative pattern

Next time your thoughts start spiralling downwards, get up and do something you like, such as cooking, reading or visiting a friend. Susan says her research showed that as little as eight minutes is enough to break the cycle of repetitive thought. She also found that once that pattern was broken and the over-thinker was doing something pleasant, it made her mood more positive, enabling her to think clearer and actually solve the problem

A simple but effective way of stopping the flow of negative thinking is to simply shout 'Stop!' in your mind. You could also visualise a stop sign.

Discussing toxic thoughts with a friend could be a reality check. Do watch out for well-meaning friends who only emote with you, as this could convince you even more that you're right to be so negative.

Putting your darkest thoughts on paper might help you to see things clearer and sort problems out. Write it down and then read it later – you’ll soon spot the ridiculous thoughts, which will help you to concentrate on the real concerns. Remember, however, that you should never just write down your negative thoughts and read it as the gospel without trying to solve it. You have to see it as a problem-solving exercise and not as a reaffirming action.

If you're a night worrier, don't fool yourself into thinking that, if you just lie quietly, the worries and thoughts will go away and you'll fall asleep again. And never think that you'll reach some profound conclusion in the middle of the night – these thoughts are often fraught with anxiety and fear, says Susan. If you lie awake all night, you'll be tired the next day and unable to deal with problems anyway. If you've been overthinking for 15 to 20 minutes, get up and leave the room. Susan suggests that you read something light.