Not so sweet sixteen
Before Maddox, before Brangelina and before the swarm of kiddies from all over the globe, Angelina Jolie was one hectic doll. She was pretty damn strange. Old Angie was into raunchy lesbian affairs, knives, suicidal thoughts, dodgy Billy Bob and public make-out sessions with her brother in a real incest sort of way. I remember way back when I thought how weird she was for such a beautiful girl. But post Brangie, she is now the defender of children and earth mother deluxe. So it must have been pretty embarrassing for her when these dodgy pics from her past surfaced last week. Once again no-one heeds the vital advice of never taking photos or making videos of potentially embarrassing things as they ALWAYS resurface in Hollywood.

Back when Angie was only 16 she posed for some sexy swimsuit photos and did a video of the shoot... very very risqué! No sweet sixteen for mommy Angie, more like slutty sixteen but then again she was quite a wild child... drugs, sex and some serious rock 'n roll! I cannot believe her parentals let her do such a racy shoot. Jennifer Aniston must be cackling somewhere over this little skandaaaal... and Bradalicious must be getting his rocks off.

Who's your daddy...
Jenny from the block must be trying to sell her twins down the river... or into space because she has asked couch-jumper Tom Cruise to be the Godfather to her little celebutots Emme and Max.

Who would willingly allow Tom Cruise to provide spiritual guidance to their impressionable kids?

Those kids are going to be little scientologist aliens before we know it. Maybe she chose him after Tom splashed out and bought the twins a giant fish tank for their nursery. Or is it a portal to their planet Scientology? Tom and Katie are also going to throw a "star-studded" party for the twins which is costing them upwards of $200 000. It will have a "Welcome to the World" theme... money can sure buy you friends in La La land.

And speaking of old Tommy... a new strain of medical marijuana has been nicknamed after him and he is pissed about it! The weed, dubbed "Tom Cruise Purple" on the street, is reportedly so potent it makes you see things that aren't there. The little man must be couch-jumping like crazy...

Celebutots...
It's also been revealed that Jessica Alba, who has been dubbed MiserALBA because she always looks so damn miserable... maybe because she knows she's carrying a band-aid baby and her babydaddy is a cheating manwhore. Anyhow she has revealed she is having a little girl apparently to be named Honor (the American spelling). She is bound to be a beaut and be teased on the playground for her ridiculous name. Congrats!

It's been widely reported that Jennifer Aniston is in the process of adopting a little tot. Sources close to the star (good friends they are) say she already has the adoption process underway for a baby boy and "has been telling pals she'll be bringing home a newly adopted son by Christmas." Although this could just be wishful thinking on someone's part, the Enquirer has enough supporting details to suggest this story is true. Aniston is said to have ordered renovations on her home that include a nursery, and she already has a name picked out for the boy.

And baby Aniston's enemy foetuses were finally acknowledged! Angelina Jolie FINALLY acknowledged her pregnancy, about time too. Angie is currently in Washington D.C. talking about her new initiative the Education Partnership for Children of Conflict and during the middle of her speech she said she 'felt kicking'. In her interview with People magazine she also said she's savouring this period – unexpected kicks and all – adding, "It is a very special time in our lives."

So Bouncy Knowles and Jay-Z tied the knot and made it official last Friday but now it's been reported that Mrs Jay-Z actually has a bun in the oven... ooh her daddy-manager must have been furious or maybe that's why he actually gave the nuptials his blessing?

Buzz is building that the quickie nuptials were actually a shotgun wedding. It would be the second for the Knowles family: At just 17, Beyoncé's little sis, Solange, wed boyfriend Daniel Smith in the Bahamas after learning she was pregnant. How Jamie Lynn Spears of them.

Hot hookups...
Cammie Diaz has been hooking up with the new hot boy Gerard Butler... mmm lucky girl! They have been spotted all over town getting hot and heavy and this past weekend the pair were spotted having a late dinner at the shmancy Chateau Marmont... on a double date with fave couple Gyllenspoon aka Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Also a hot new couple to watch is the gorgeous Ryan Gosling and post rehabber Kirsten Drunkst... boohoo, he could do so much better.

And big congrats to Rock's cutest couple, Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz who just this Wednesday got engaged! Mazaltov.

Don't you just love it when a couple reconciles? Sean Penn and his 'wife' Robin Wright Penn have stopped their divorce proceedings and are giving things another go. Mmmm... does that mean that über-model Petra Nemkova kicked Seanie boy to the curb? Sloppy seconds hey Robin?

Terrible twosome
Former O.C. starlet Mischa Barton, who this week plead guilty to her DUI and possession of marijuana (maybe it was crazy Tom Cruise Purple) charge, was spotted partying it up with recovering addict Lindsay Hohan at a bar a couple of nights back. What a pair!

It seems Linds is back in trouble again. She is being sued by a former bodyguard, David Kim. He claims she owes him more than $55 000 for services ranging from protecting her from fans and the paparazzi to obtaining her VIP tables for clubs and concerts along with emotional distress. Linds is broke so she better get a new endorsement deal soon (her acting career's pretty washed up), because she's got some new legal bills to pay!

Adding to the 'celeb in hooey' lineup, finally justice prevails as Kate Moss's former 'arm-candy', the coked-out Pete Doherty, is going to jail for 14 weeks for breaking his probation order.

Last week I mentioned Naomi Campbell's latest bashing scandal... well the actress has now officially been banned from ever flying British Airways ever again. That will teach her to get stroppy with the ground staff!

If you have any celeb skinner for us let us know in the comment box below.