How does an orgasm feel?

This is how a few women have described their orgasms, but orgasms feel different for everyone. Share how your orgasm feels and you could win an "orgasmic prize" from Whet Sensuality Emporium. Details at bottom of article.

Learning to feel
While writing this column I was side-tracked by an episode of Nip/Tuck which amazingly it involved this subject. A young Somalian woman, Manya Mabika, who had been genitally mutilated, seeks reconstruction of her clitoris not only aesthetically but functionally.

The doctors perform an experimental microsurgical procedure called a free-flap transfer, taking the tip from one of her toes and attaching it to her clitoral area. Post operatively Mabika seems still unable to have an orgasm in spite of enlistment of Dr Troy and his professed skills as a 'lover extraordinaire'. Finally Mabika is encouraged to touch herself by anaesthetist Liz who tells her what many of us women know: Before we can let someone touch us here (indicating our vaginal area) we have to let them touch us here. (Indicates her heart).

Liz holding up a mirror says "Meet Ms Right". She encourages her to "feel the energy pulsing between her legs, to touch herself back and forth, harder and softer" and finally she rubbed the magic lantern and (set) the genie free. Mabika describes her orgasm as "So beautiful, it was like god was waking up inside of me. Such joy!"

Mabika is like most women. We need to know how to touch ourselves before we can expect anyone else to "give us an orgasm". I believe expecting someone to GIVE us an orgasm is actually giving our power away. It also puts huge (and unnecessary pressure) on your partner.

I like to use the analogy that expecting someone to know where and how to touch us and "make us come" when we don't know ourselves, is like asking someone to visit us when we don't know our own address. Providing a "map and landmarks" is even better whether or not you have GPS in your vehicle.

Learning to masturbate
Young girls don't generally show and tell each other how to masturbate nearly as much guys (although happily I think it is a subject girls DO talk about now unlike when I was growing up). Maybe this is one of the reasons why there are so few slang terms for female masturbation. (Jill off and diddle don't seem to grab universal attention. If you know of or can suggest any terms I would love hear about them.)

Girls tend to learn to masturbate on their own, or by reading about it, or seeing a woman doing it on a website or a DVD. Some of us learn from the good feelings we get while washing, climbing trees, riding a horse or bicycle, leaning against washing machine or the edge of a table... the possibilities are endless.

Although some men may imagine that women masturbate by inserting their fingers or something else into their vagina (and some do) many of us don't. External pressure and clitoral stimulation works for a lot of women as does water in the form of a shower head or Jacuzzi jet or a bath tap.

Many women enjoy using a vibrator (for external or internal stimulation or both) but I personally believe that if possible, a woman should know how to make herself come first before using a vibrator. There are a million ways to masturbate and finding out how and what works for you is half the fun.

If you want to win a Stubby Vibrator plus a tube of Whet Personal Lubricant OR lingerie to the same value from Whet Sensuality Emporium, click here!

Do you agree with Marina's thoughts? Have you met 'Ms Right'? Go on, share in the comment box below.