"Mom, I'm pregnant"

And the child's father? "Nothing changed for him. He never comes to see me or his child, and now I hear he has another girlfriend." Although she has friends from school who are happy to visit her and play with the baby, she feels alone and different. "Some girls think it's romantic to have a baby when you're young. But there's nothing romantic about getting up in the night to feed a baby, to boil the water in the morning for his bath and wash nappies after school."

The harsh reality is that when a teenager confirms her pregnancy, she feels trapped. Having an abortion, keeping the baby or having the baby adopted all come with a price tag.

Counting the cost
Pregnancy should be the most exciting time in a woman's life, but it can be a nightmare when you're single and only 16. Statistics show that 1 in every 3 teenage girls in South Africa is pregnant by the age of 20. Teachers are at their wits end not knowing what to do with "classroom pregnancies" and the trend to start experimenting with sex from as young as 11.

Since abortion was legalised in South Africa in 1996, many girls choose termination. Poverty-stricken teenagers are often forced into making this decision alone and sometimes by the time they get to a clinic, it's too late because abortions are illegal after the first trimester.

Despite the availability of condoms and improved family-planning services, the Department of Education's statistics show that over the past 3 years, there have been 20 000 teenage mothers aged 16 and younger. Is the government child-support grant of R140 per month luring young girls into believing that they can achieve independence by becoming a mother while still at school? Is it peer pressure, sexual abuse or an alternative to studying? Who takes care of the babies and what is the outcome for these young mothers?

Supportive parents
Teenage mothers who have supportive parents are very fortunate. When Sonya* found herself pregnant, she turned to the parents of her child's father for help. They persuaded her not to have an abortion, offering to pay all medical expenses and to adopt the baby if she so wished. As it turned out, Sonya chose to keep her baby even though she did not marry her child's father.

Mothers like myself who have been there know that a good portion of the responsibility in bringing up the baby rests on their shoulders. Teenagers are not only physically and emotionally immature for the responsibilities of parenthood, they're socially and psychologically unsteady and unsure of themselves. Although they will not admit it, they still depend heavily on their parents for guidance. As mothers, we understand not only the financial obligations, but also the sacrifice it takes every moment of every day to dedicate your life to the well being of your children.

All the mothers I spoke to agree that having a pregnant teenage daughter was heart-breaking and traumatic. In many ways, they felt that they became the victims and had to take on the responsibility of making important decisions on behalf of the family. It took its toll on their marriages, cracking some and breaking a few. Others were healed with time and love. Many mothers felt that they had to teach their daughters the rougher side of life too early, toughening them up against the odds when they should have been mystified with romance rather than with sex.

In all the heartbreak and trauma of an unwanted pregnancy, there is the gift of a new life. Nobody can resist the innocence of a newborn baby – wide-eyed, helpless and totally dependent on another human being for survival. "Angels from Heaven", these children unwittingly understand the significance of their being and live up to it – enduring the odds and endearing everybody else who comes into their lives.

Somewhere to turn
Thanks to a number of volunteer organisations dedicated to helping destitute teenagers and their babies, many lives have been turned around for the better. These Homes provide prenatal care, counseling, advice and help when it comes to making decisions about the mother's future and that of her baby. Most of these organisations are against abortion.

They offer legal advice and support, should the mother choose to have her baby adopted. They explain the legal implications of this decision and are able to help the mother wade through the jargon of paperwork. If the teenager chooses an "open adoption" she is able to stay in touch with the parents of her child for the first year at least, and she may keep the records of her baby's birth as well as those of her child's adoptive parents.

The physical toll
Interestingly, the risks of Down's syndrome, prematurity, small-for-dates babies and complications like anaemia and toxaemia are as high in teenagers as in older women having their first baby. Her body is still growing and vital nutritional elements in her diet that include minerals such as calcium, iron and magnesium give preference to the unborn baby. Prolonged breastfeeding may deplete her stores, delay recovery and may even aggravate postnatal concerns such as anaemia, infections and postnatal depression.

Help and support
The Catholic Women's League: provides post-delivery counselling (011) 618 1533
Fatima House: (012) 343 0111
Pregnancy Crisis: (011) 614 3149/ adoptions@mweb.co.za
DISA:, Glenda 083 654 6486
Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (011) 787 1222
Ruth House:, Edenvale (Offers pregnancy testing and counselling for single mothers.) Support group for single mothers, Jane Cadrington 072 200 8330. Burgie Ireland – bireland@iafrica.com
Neo Birth Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (012) 343 6401/083 653 7425