How different from the suburban streets of twenty or more years ago, where children congregated to play ball games, marbles, hopscotch and skipping, yo-yo and hula hoops. Bicycles, tricycles, homemade go-carts, strap-on roller-skates and scooters were driven up and down the pavement. Trees were climbed and neighbourhood pools visited. Children used to be so involved in their play that they got into trouble for not being home in time for supper.

So what’s changed?
Gradually more and more mothers have started working – initially half day, increasingly full day. After-school care for the older children and full day crèches for the toddlers have become a necessity. Consequently, the neighbourhood groups of old have been replaced today by groups of children playing in after-care. Where children do stay in their own homes with a child minder, the working parents prefer to know that they are in the safety of their own home or garden – they have strict instructions to remain there.

Some working parents, many of them single, have recreated a “neighbourhood” by moving into secure clusters, townhouse complexes or fenced off suburban blocks. Here, sometimes, children are able to play together in the public areas in the early evening and on weekends.

Today many young children have a tightly packed weekly schedule of organised activities but very little freedom to explore and socialise informally. Some parents worry that their children may miss out developmentally if not exposed to all these activities. Other parents – particularly working parents – know that these organised events may be the only chance their children have to socialise with their peers.

Our country's crime statistics, particularly crimes against children, have left parents feeling anxious about their children's welfare. Parents wish to keep their children safe from harm. They increasingly restrict their children's movements – they keep them off the streets, educate them about potential abuse and burden them with a list of rules and phone numbers. It is not uncommon in South Africa to find parents drilling their children in what to do in case of a hi-jacking.

The best approach
Karen van Zyl, a single parent and mother of an energetic preschooler, Ashley, relates an all too familiar incident at Hadfield Shopping Centre in Pretoria. Ashley had been riding her scooter a little ahead of her mom when she was accosted and verbally abused by two men.

Karen says that although she could not hear what was being said to her daughter, Ashley was clearly uncomfortable and came straight back to her mother. Ashley cannot understand Afrikaans, but was able to relate accurately what had happened to her.

Karen marvelled at her daughter’s strong self-protective instinct and was able to give positive reinforcement to her little girl, letting her know that she had handled the situation well. Ashley’s preschool teachers have ensured that she has learned about Stranger Danger, how to recognise potentially dangerous situations and how to react.

Karen believes that she can best equip her daughter by raising her to have self-confidence and positive self-esteem – and by ensuring that she is well informed. Ashley, she believes, would then have the tools to ask for help when she needs it, knowing that the adults in her life will pay attention to her.

Karen acknowledges that it is difficult to decide how to find the balance between equipping her child to protect her self and making her overly anxious. Ashley is a friendly little girl and Karen does worry about dampening her spirit with too many cautionary instructions. Her concern is about being overprotective and thus preventing Ashley from gaining experience in how to look after herself.

Getting the balance right
This tendency to overprotect a child starts long before they venture outside the family home. It was probably as much of a problem in the “good old days” as it is now.

The effect that such well-meant caring has on the child, however, can have long term consequences. It undermines the growing child’s budding self-confidence – often making them feel less competent and scared to try anything new. It also deprives the child of valuable learning experiences that equip them to survive in their social environment.

The responsible route
Children are very precious. Given some of the societal dangers we are facing, responsible parents would find that they would have implemented the following points: