When the going gets tough...

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going." These words are reminiscent of an 80's song by Billy Ocean, which many of us older mummies will remember from the pre-career or parent days, of big hair and plastic earrings. And our parents, usually, were more concerned about WHO we were going out with, and to WHERE, so I doubt they recall these words so well.

Time to take a break
Anyway, the point is, this catchy line is one which still pops up in my mind from time to time, when the whole consistent parenting thing is starting to wear a little thin around the edges, and the thought of letting them watch a whole DVD just so I can chill a bit, or eat the whole tub of ice cream, which they are insisting they need for lunch, is looking mighty tempting! It usually happens when I am ill, or the double whammy, we're all ill, and the sleepless nights have caught up with all of us.

This is your signal to take a brief break from "tough" – as in, in control and enforcing consistent, realistic boundaries – and get going; to a safe distance, where you can catch your breath, recharge, and come back with a workable plan.

Why push ourselves so hard?
Yet, so many of us push ourselves to the absolute limit, and feel guilty about taking those essential time-out, pit stops. "Be tough, get on with it...", "In my day...", "Why can't you manage when everyone else is?" are typical scripts playing in many 30- or 40-something parents' heads. A carryover from our own days as children, usually. But we didn't take a whole LOT of stuff to heart, which our parents and the education system kept repeating to us, so why subscribe to this script?

Parenting is hard work. Good parenting is even tougher. And consistently good parenting? Now that's like boot camp! (And even on those, they let you have the occasional 60 second break for a sip of water and catch of breath!)

Pamper yourself
I have a list in my head, which I go straight to when that song starts playing in my head a bit too much. It has MOM at the top of it, followed by: meditation; long bubble baths; lying on the couch when everyone has settled for the night, with trashy magazines or a rom-com movie as company; chocolate; bribing my husband for one of those Swedish back massages from courtship days; having a chat on Skype with my best friend, about nothing really; and cheese slices on bread with a cup of tea!

Think back to what gave you comfort when the going got tough, as a child, as a teen, as a new mom (Not the bad stuff though! If you have no good stuff, borrow some from my list). When you are feeling like you have had a timeout, the issues you are struggling with seem so much smaller and much more doable. Then it's time for the serious planning, strategising, and gearing up for another round. You might even have pampered yourself so well, you will look forward to the next round, and see it more as a walk in the park than a fight to the death! (if you have toddlers or teens, you know I'm not kidding about that last bit!)

And best of all, will be the look of disbelief on the faces of a toddler or teen, all set to deliver a serious argument, when, instead of fighting back this time, the "tough" goes for a pamper break instead!

Dr Colinda Linde is Women24's Balance/Stress Expert. Click here to ask her a question.