Options: In the above situation, there are various childcare possibilities listed. If yours are very limited (financial constraints, no alternate caregiver available), you can get creative around how to make the time you DO spend with your child, QUALITY time. E.g. on the way home, have something substantial for the child to eat, as a hungry child will be cranky. Make a game of it – e.g. what colour are the baby sweetcorns? What shape are they? Or ask specific questions about how their day was, e.g. what did you do at art today? How was playball class this morning? This shows you are aware of each day’s activities and interested.

Also make sure you have a list of events or activities in prominent view, so you don't forget them! E.g. Monday is Show and Tell; sit with your child on a Sunday and let them choose something, then rehearse what they would like to say about it, with you. E.g. the monthly puppet show- remind them that morning, and ask about it when you fetch. E.g. the audiologist will be there the next day; explain and rehearse with toys, what will happen. All these things keep you in touch with your child's life. You can even have a note book which you and the teacher fill in, to keep abreast of changes, events or milestones in your child's life.

2. Be present
Solution number two is based on a quote I read some time ago: "Children need your presence, not your presents". ("What! You mean that Thomas DVD I searched 3 shopping centres for, is not what they wanted after all?"). Yup, contrary to the whining and demands that you relentlessly flung your way, with alarming frequency, they really do, actually, want their favourite toy – YOU. Once you have digested this bit, I want you to do a quick internal check. Why are you working the hours you do, in your present job? Is it mainly to provide – holidays, expensive gifts, a car you don't really need. If so, it may be time to reconsider.

Even if you are in a position where you need to work full time, financially, or really feel it is better for you and your child that you do (we aren't all built to be a caregiver for prolonged periods, you know!), it is a good idea to keep the quote in mind when you ARE with them, and then be REALLY present!

The informal consensus among child therapists seems to be that 15 minutes of child-directed play or conversation, once or twice per day, is far more valuable than a mom who is there in body, all day or in the afternoon and evening, but is not actually present! Quality really does seem to be superior to quantity!

And remember, we find ourselves in a fast-paced life and often unfair world. There isn't always a lot to be done about external circumstances, either, as in demands and financial constraints. Our internal world, on the other hand, is very much open to change and development, so now is the time to make your choices! Do you want your mind to be full of guilt, anger, sadness, resentment and hopelessness? Or do you choose to fill it with acceptance of what you cannot change, and creative problem-solving for the things that you may be able to turn around a few times till they seem more amenable? Do you choose to fill your mind with memories and guilt, because of all the unhealthy choices of the past, and in rehashing all the mistakes you have made, or can you accept responsibility for them, apologise for and repair what you can, and come up with a whole new way of living? Happiness is a choice!

Dr Colinda Linde is Women24's Balance/Stress Expert.
Click here to ask her a question.