Article: Hayley Pienaar from Your Baby magazine
Image: Your Baby Magazine

Pay a visit
A nursery school teacher for 20 years, Dawn Helfenstein says we underestimate how daunting the new experience must be for the child and suggests taking the child to the playgroup before starting to familiarise her to her new surroundings. Tina agrees: "Take the child to see the playschool so that he will become familiar with it. Increase the amount of time that you leave him there, make it a gradual process." Familiarise yourself with what your child's morning routine will entail, and discuss it.

Encourage independence
Parkview Pre-primary school headmistress Eleanor Huggett said she's had to teach 5 year olds how to dress themselves. "Children with nannies and au pairs are hopeless at the basics. It's all done for them. They don't have to do a thing for themselves." Allow your child to make his own decisions (within boundaries) such as laying out two suitable outfits for school and getting him to decide which one to wear then let him dress himself. He should be able to at least attempt to clean his teeth and brush his hair, even if it takes longer to get ready.

Organise play dates
Eleanor suggests getting a class list prior to the start of term and inviting a couple of children over. "It really helps if the child knows someone at the school beforehand."

Don't linger
"Sometimes a mother overstays her welcome," says Dawn. "Soon after the mother leaves, the child is fine." Paula Boshoff, owner of The Blue Playschool, agrees: "Don't linger. The longer you hang around the more awkward it gets for everybody. If one mother stays until 10am and all the other mothers leave at 8.30am it's not fair on the other children." If your child insists on your staying, you could try saying that playgroup is only for children, and not for mummies and daddies. Tina says once a mother has done her best to ease the child into the process, she needs to be firm and encouraging, then leave her child.

Do distract
Paula suggests getting your child involved in an activity upon arrival at school such as swinging, doing a puzzle, stacking blocks or cutting playdough. "Once your child is absorbed in the activity, leave."

Trust the teacher
Once you have assessed your child's school and new teacher, trust that she will phone you should there be a problem. Tanya says handing over to the teacher is an important step for the parent: "I feel that there comes a point when the parent has to go and the teacher has to take control. I kiss them goodbye, tell them I love them, and walk away."

Be confident and positive
"A child will pick up on a mother's ambivalence," says Tina, and Tanya agrees: "I felt confident about my decision and there's no doubt that it rubbed off on the girls. As soon as you start feeling insecure, they too will pick up on that and react to it." Realise that your child has much to benefit from the socialisation and stimulation that a nursery school has to offer, and be positive.

On clinging and crying
"Some children hate nursery school whilst others cry when you won't take them to school on Saturday and Sunday," says Eleanor. Tina Mendelsohn says if the clinging and crying continues, the child may need therapy to facilitate the process. Sometimes it's the mother's separation issues that need to be dealt with. Paula says it's not a bad sign if a child clings to you when you want to leave, but if you can't eventually distract them, then it may indicate a problem. "Clingy anxiety is often them feeling what the parent is feeling, if the parent is incredibly anxious the child picks it up very quickly." A child may even exploit a highly sympathetic parent, but if his terror is extreme, the situation should be discussed with a psychologist.

There may also be a delayed reaction and the once happy child may suddenly change. Some of the novelty may have worn off and he realises that it is for good. It's best to accept his reluctance and resistance with sympathy, while maintaining a feeling of certainty about his attendance at playgroup. Sometimes having another person other than the mother take the child to school may make it easier.

East, west, which is best?
"In Utopia children are better off at home, but with so many women working, they are better off in a playgroup," says Eleanor. "For a child to be left alone at home all day is not ideal." Paula agrees, saying she believes children who've been to a playgroup are at an advantage. "They get used to a crowd, noise, they learn to be patient and it's very good for them to have been at a smaller school beforehand. Four hours passes so quickly and they get so much out of it."

Teachers' tips