Question

Hi, I'm really with my hands in my hair! My son is 16 months old! Now my husband and I made the mistake, when my son falls asleep, to put him in his cot, but when he wakes up at about 11 or 12 at night, we would put him in bed with us, because he wouldn't go back to sleep in his cot!

Now we've been trying the "leave-him-to-scream" method which worked okay the first 3 times, but now he's starting to make himself sick and last night he actually threw up! So he was back in bed with us! Is there any other way to get him to sleep on his own?

Answer

The main trick is to be consistent with how you handle your son's sleep. You have to teach him to be separate from you in a happy and stable manner, and this applies to both going to sleep, and how you handle his night waking. This has to be consistent.

Instil a bedtime routine that is constant every night, and keep things quiet and calm. Tell him that he is loved and that he is safe etc, but that it is now bedtime, and he must go to sleep. Encourage a 'sleep friend', which could be a teddy, blanket, soft toy. Stay with him to encourage him to become drowsy. Put him into his cot, drowsy, clean and dry and fed, say goodnight, and leave the room.

If he cries, return to him after a minute or two(no longer to start with), pick him up and comfort him, then repeat the bedtime rituals, and put him back into his cot, saying goodnight lovingly and firmly. Leave the room for slightly longer this time, then return and comfort him again. Keep this up until he falls asleep. You will need to extend the period of time you leave him by a minute or two each time. Don't respond to his gagging and throwing up (unless he is ill), as he will know to use this as a manipulative ploy to get you back! When he wakes in the night, go to him and comfort him, then say goodnight and do the same thing that you did at bedtime. Keep going in and out to comfort him until he falls back asleep again. Be consistent, firm and loving, and he should settle after a day or two. Offer plenty of extra hugs and kisses during the day, and never shout, smack or admonish him when you are teaching him to sleep without you. Be patient, he will settle. Rub some rescue remedy onto his wrist and temple pulsepoints when you are comforting him, as well as giving him about 10 drops of rescue remedy by mouth mixed with a bit of water at bedtime.

- Ann Richardson