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Ann Cawood is a registered social worker with many years' experience. Currently working as a school counsellor at Herschel Preparatory School as well as running a private practice in the afternoons, she also worked at the Parent Centre for several years. Trained to run Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) she's been involved in developing and presenting workshops on a host of parenting related topics, from Adjustment to Parenthood, to Discipline at Home and in the Classroom, Step-parenting and The Effects of Divorce on Children. Anne is a popular speaker and is often invited to do presentations at schools, parenting workshops and on radio shows. She has written several parenting related articles for the print media, and presented lectures and workshops at the UCT Summer and Winter Schools. In her work she places a strong emphasis on problem-solving and life-skills training, and her workshops for children on topics related to self-esteem, peer relationships and assertiveness are very popular.
Anne is married with four children and four grandchildren and lives in Cape Town. She regards her role as a parent as having been the most challenging, daunting, rewarding, exciting, exhausting and emotionally satisfying aspect of her adult life, with endless and ongoing opportunities for personal growth. Her passion and enthusiasm for parenting is infectious and will motivate even the most reluctant parent to work towards a clear understanding of and a confident, relaxed and consistent approach to effective discipline without punishment.
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Question
Hi Anne, I sent you a question a while ago, which you replied with some telephone numbers, thank you. I wish to ask, when a child is seeing the other parent under supervised visits and an "indecent" occures twice and after asking the parent not to "play" in that manner, the parent continues, what do I do? I was only told of this incident which happned 2 months ago, just 2 weeks ago. This is totally unacceptable, and the lady is a respected social worker, she mentioned that she contacted the SAPS and the people involved, but I should just wait until she has done her statement, numerous occasions the child said that he/she does not want to see the other parent, but was basically forced, which I was totaly upset about, this is hard enough for the child, I got the impression that she is scared of this parent!
I am lost and this is a big big obstacle in our lives, as I also mentioned to her that the child does not want to see the parent, but I was always told by her that she can not just say to the parent that the child does not want to see the parent as the parent might get upset. Can you recomend someone that I can contact to get more information on this. Thanks
Answer
Dear Suzie,
This is very upsetting. You do not give details of exactly what occurred. I would trust that a qualified social worker would be very vigilant during supervised visits and would be capable of preventing such incidents. You do not say where you live, but it sounds as if the child should be carefully assessed by a competent forensic social worker or psychologist - to ascertain what is actually going on in this access-time. One must be careful that the child is not playing one parent against the other - not I am saying that this is happening - just to stress that a very good, objective professional needs to be asked to evaluate before this gets really out of hand.
You also do not mention how old the child is - of course, as they get older, they need to be empowered to be assertive - and to immediately report any unacceptable adult behaviour. I do hope that you find solutions as soon as possible. Best of luck.
Regards
- Anne Cawood
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