Question

Good day,

Yesterday must've been the worst day of my life not to mention that of my child - Cameron. It was his birthday but I quickly made him forget about the day when we arrived home from work and school.

I decided to rummage through his school bag and books to see whether he understands the work thus far for the year. But to my dismay I stumbled across a bad news letter dated 29/02/08 and that there are half to almost no work written up in his books. The work is not done and the bad news letter was for homework not being done at all.

I have never had to stand and police him to ensure that the work gets done because his grades were always good grades. Obviously now the matter of trust comes in and how to deal with this problem from here on in. Your advice please!

Answer

PARENTING

First of all, you need to remain very calm and focussed. Behaviour always happens for a reason. And remember that people usually do not lie if it is safe to tell the truth.

Often I find that a child is scared of being in trouble. They make a mistake e.g. do not do homework, then lie to cover up. This gets bigger and the problem escalates.

I would recommend that you make time to have a quiet and calm problem-solving session with him. Tell him you are disappointed but that you want to find solutions together.

Plan a homework schedule. Ensure that things are quiet and calm during this time. Do not nag or force him. But obviously you need to check that his homework diary is up to date and that you can only sign it if the work is done. Talk to his teacher - so that you can both help him to work towards better work habits.

Give him an incentive - i.e. tell him that if he can keep up with the homework for 2 weeks, and if his teacher is pleased with his progress, then you will take him out for a burger (or whatever!). If not, then he will have to forfeit a privilege e.g. computer time.

It is very important that you handle this positively and firmly now - or you will have enormous problems when he hits the teen years.

Try to avoid the power struggles that often come with homework issues - children can dig their heels in and refuse to work, and there is very little that a parent can do to force it. You need to work on a good relationship with him - from this co-operation is more likely.

Good luck to you both.

- Anne Cawood