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Chantal finds that being a working mummy is not as easy as it seems.

Do you demand or earn respect?

I have raised my children informing that people earn respect, it shouldn't be demanded no matter what the age.
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What now?

Question

Hi I am about to get married to the man of my dreams, but there is only one problem... he does not want children. When I met him I knew this and I was fine with it, but lately I have been thinking more and more about it and I now think that I want children. I've tried broaching the subject with him, but I don't think he realises how serious I am. His reasons for not wanting children is purely ''selfish'' – his word. What should I do? I know that he will be a good dad, but I don't want to force him into something that he doesn't want, but then again, what about me???


Answer

PARENTING
Dear Lolla, This is a very serious issue. He is making his opinion very clear to you and so you can't expect that he may change his mind later – though, of course, he may. Some people genuinely do not want children and if a child comes along (as these things can happen), it could put an enormous strain on the marriage. You also have a right to your feelings and choices and it is a very far-reaching decision. You could come to resent him and then, even if he is the man of your dreams now, it could all end in great sadness. You could be open and upfront with him now and tell him that you no longer feel that you can commit to no children. However, you would give it time and allow plenty of opportunity to "be selfish" – but then maybe he could also adopt a more flexible attitude and reconsider later. Maybe seeing a good relationship counsellor would be a good idea. I wish you very good luck – this is not a simple matter.

- Anne Cawood

 
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