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Why does my 6 year old girl keep talking back?

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Tantrums & fits

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I have a 3 year old daughter. I sometimes think she's got a split personality. She can be this adorable loving child and the next moment she's a real monster that starts screaming and kicking and hitting me. This usually happens when she doesnt get her way. It affects everybody in the house even her older sister. I have resorted to putting her in her room untill she calmes down which helps for a while but next time she does it again. I dont know which way to go?


Answer

PARENTING
Dear Letitia, She sounds like a pretty normal 3 year old to me! This is exactly what they do! The problem is that they do not yet have the ability to cope maturely with their many negative emotions. ( I know many adults who do not either!!) They get very frustrated and impatient – but have no way to get rid of these feelings – the only way they know is to have a tantrum. The vital thing here is to remain very calm and gentle yourself. Verbalise her feelings "I can see that you are very cross" Then put a boundary on her unacceptable behaviour. "But we do not hit people when we are cross" Try to contain her negative reactions before they get too out of control NEVER react aggressively – this will only make things much worse. If you do put her in her room to calm down, make sure it is not a punishment – it needs to be a way for her to regain her equilibrium. Stay close by – talk gently – but do not talk too much, as they really do not hear you when they are in a "frothy" If it is possible, try to distract her – give her other outlets for her fierce feelings. "Come lets tear up paper when we feel so mad" or " Maybe we should throw the bean bags at the wall" If she is well handled at this toddler stage, she will almost certainly develop the skills to channel her aggressive outbursts! I do deal with these issues in detail in my book "Children Need Boundaries" Best wishes

- Anne Cawood

 
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