Question

Dear Anne

I've been divorced for 1 year and 6 months now and met a wonderful man. He has a daughter of 9 who is sharing his bed with him since her mother died 4 years ago. I dont know if I'm overreacting but, although I think she accepted me, she is all over her father whenever he is near me. I've been searching for info on how to handle this situation and if this is a healthy situation for her, as well as her father and relationships, but unfortunately were unsuccessful.

I will really appreciate it if you could assist me in this regard.

Answer

PARENTING

It is very understandable that this child has come to rely on her father - and sleeping in his bed was no doubt a way to feel secure and reassured. It is important that you do not put undue pressure on them to change things too quickly - this will only lead to her feeling negative towards you in the future.

Take things slowly. However, the Dad will need to very gently, yet firmly, start to change the habit. Sometimes, getting a camping mattress - in the same room, but then at lease the child gets used to being out of the same bed - is a way to beging the change. Then the nest step - getting her into her own bed - should be easier. The "skill" is to be very gentle - yet very firm. Your understanding support will go a long way to make the process easier for everyone.

Clear and consistent boundaries are what is needed in the long run. Good luck to you all.

Regards

- Anne Cawood