2. Acceptance
If you choose surrogacy, any woman having to opt for it must mourn the fact that it will not be her womb that nurtures the child. This must be processed emotionally before embarking on the surrogacy road.

3. Set limits
A couple must agree beforehand on two crucial questions: how long and how much. Treatments must be limited to a maximum number of attempts, and a tolerable time frame. Due to our infinite capacity for hope it may go on for years. The "I could haves" need to be eliminated in advance.

4. Spread your focus
Join a support group to keep some perspective: there will always be someone worse off than yourself. Clock up achievements on another front. You may not want to, but believe me, there will be time.

5. Avoid fuzzy logic
"I cannot have a baby, so I am a failure; We cannot succeed with infertility treatment so our marriage is not meant to be; She wants a child more than anything so she doesn't want me; He tries to comfort me by taking me shopping therefore his heart is not broken like mine." They sound like irrational equations in the clear light of day, yet these are resentments expressed by couples in the thick of treatment

6. Educate yourself
Become conversant in the infertility vocab. While the layman's opinion cannot outrank that of a specialist, most doctors will offer the reasoning behind opting for the procedures they use. If you are conversant in the different types of treatment and even their pros and cons, you will be much better able process the necessity of what you undergo medically. You will also have more of a sense that you are doing something practical to help yourself.

7. Budget frantically
Ensure that you have the full picture of potential expenses. These include a medical plan for the surrogate mother, legal costs, laboratory tests and 'handling' and the full cost of medications for one treatment cycle for both of you. Establish in advance what your financial ceiling is. Clearly process the fact that you may not succeed the first time.

8. No apologies, please
Agree to disagree with those who sit in judgement of your opting to use surrogacy or infertility treatment – and take heart in the knowledge that the official stand on infertility treatment by the various religious bodies in SA are surprisingly accommodating.

Are you battling to fall pregnant? Why not ask our fertility expert, Dr Wiswedel for advice.