As he approaches toddlerhood, your child starts to take part in ‘parallel play’. This isn’t truly social play, as there’s not much interaction. Toddlers play close by, gradually starting to imitate and follow each other around. Even at three, a child’s social skills are very unpolished and he is largely self-centred. It is usually only in pre-school that real friendships start developing.

Like most things in life, social skills are learnt, and as his parent, you are your child’s most important teacher. In the first year or two you are his primary playmate and he will practice his skills with you and his other caregivers. Your baby becomes a social being by watching you, and by communicating with you and the rest of the family.

Younger siblings are often at an advantage in the social department because they learn social skills (including some of the less attractive ones) by imitating the older children at home. The older sibling plays the role of teacher, providing guidance and security and at the same time, learning how to care for others, how to take the lead and how to teach.

It is a good thing to expose your child to his peer group, to provide him with "practice" at being social. Little ones may just sit and look at each other while their moms sip tea, but these interactions are important for both of you.

Shyness
A certain amount of social reluctance is entirely normal, and many parents worry unnecessarily about their children’s shyness. Because children under two are not really social beings, it is probably too early to label your child as shy just because he doesn’t make friends easily.

But like a flair for music, shyness is partly in the genes and while you can encourage confidence, your child may not be destined to be the life of the party. Many a shy child turns into a reasonably outgoing adult and it’s not pressure, but love and support that allows him to emerge from his shell.

Drawing attention to a child’s shyness as a shortcoming will only undermine his self-confidence. Instead, build his confidence and give him opportunities to interact with his peers in a non- threatening environment.

Conflict
Mothers can be shocked and embarrassed when conflict breaks out, but conflict between children is not entirely a bad thing. It is an important learning experience as it teaches children to stand up for themselves, express their unhappiness and solve problems. Parents should watch the situation closely and be ready to intervene if it becomes destructive and ugly.

If your child is on the receiving end of another child’s aggression, you will need to keep an eye on his playing. Step in to mediate and at the same time teach your child to be assertive: “Tell Hanna we don’t hit other children.” Encourage him to call you if he has a problem.

Children seldom fight unless they know each other well. When a strange child hits out at another or grabs a toy, she may protest and snatch the toy back. Real fighting and arguing is a sign that the children are closely involved and does not happen until friendships begin to develop. Siblings seem to master this skill early!

Try these ideas for building your child’s social skills: