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Can your friendships survive motherhood? Here are some tips from the experts on how to handle this sensitive issue.
Article: By Nicola Meyer from Your Baby magazine

Expert Survival Tactics

  • If a new baby is causing a rift in a longstanding friendship, rather leave your baby with a babysitter and meet on neutral ground, like the cinema or a coffee shop

  • Set up clear boundaries with your friends. For instance, it may work better to invite your friend at a time that suits you, rather than have her popping in at tricky times. And if you prefer not to have small children clambering over your new couch, restrict visits to certain parts of your house – or outside

  • Lay your ground rules calmly and in a non-judgmental way, with a focus on behaviour, and not your friend’s parenting style or her child’s personality

  • Try meeting with a group of friends, rather than in a one-on-one situation that may be threatening

  • If you feel that a friend is being judgmental, honest communication may be your best bet. Say, 'For the sake of our friendship I’d rather not hear what you think about my child or how I parent him.' If that still doesn't work, and your self-esteem starts to suffer, it may be time to limit contact with that friend," says Margie

  • New motherhood can be a confusing time. Rather listen to one person you trust, instead of inviting conflicting advice from everyone

  • Draw the line between your own values, and those of your friend. You may believe that you’re 100% right, but be cautious about offering your opinion on your friend’s child’s behaviour, unless she has asked for your input.

  • Before you lay down boundaries with your friend’s child directly, ask her first if it’s okay

  • Consider that all children go through difficult developmental phases that do pass. Few children under 3 can share or socialise well. If your friend’s child is acting up, or the children aren’t getting on, try to avoid judgment. Let the children sort out their fights themselves, unless they’re causing emotional and physical damage

  • If you’re struggling with your friendship and open discussion hasn’t helped, it may be time to move on. The same applies when you’ve clearly laid down ground rules, but feel your home, your values or your family’s wellbeing is being violated.

    To read more about friendships and motherhood, click here.


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