According to a recent American survey by Child Magazine, only half of mothers are satisfied with their friendships after their baby arrived. Up to 45% of new mothers say they lost friends once they had kids, and the average number of close friends of a typical mom dwindles to a surprisingly low four.

Dr Ali Peirson, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Johannesburg, explains, "Having a baby means you have a new role, new expectations and demands. Much of this is unforeseeable. While you may have thought that your friendships would carry on as normal, you then discover this is impossible."

Yet it's a time when we need our friends more than ever. "The support of friendships in the first year is invaluable, precisely because there are so many changes to cope with. Taking care of an infant can be extremely draining and time-consuming. Friendships give mothers an outlet for adult interaction and stimulation," says Dr Peirson.

So here's the lowdown on what can go wrong – and what to do about it:

Lack of time
Research shows that the biggest complaint parents have is lack of quality time with their friends. For the moms in the Child survey, time with friends dropped from 14 hours per week, to a mere five hours. Does this sound familiar?

Friendships with child-free friends are especially problematic. Khulukazi Zimba, 33-year-old mother of two girls, and Assistant Director for the Department of Social Services and Poverty in the Western Cape, found it easier to withdraw from some friendships than to keep rejecting invitations.

"I got tired of explaining why I couldn't come out anymore. It's just easier to stay at home. My daughters' routines don't get disrupted and my attention doesn't have to be divided."

Margie Davison, a facilitator at the Parent Centre in Cape Town, adds, "Friends can feel that the babies and their demands have come between them. They can’t accept spur of the moment arrangements, because their babies’ routines dominate their plans."

Khulukazi agrees: "Some friends actually took offense when we couldn't keep up with their social agenda. We've chosen to make our children our priority, but have lost friends who don't seem to understand this."

Out-of-phase
While child-free friends are definitely unlikely to be turned on by discussions about what nipple cream works best, even friends with children may be surprisingly unsupportive of you and your new arrival.

Margie says, "Many new moms complain that some of their oldest friends can't relate to their situation – unless they themselves have recently been through the same thing. Mothers of older children may be bored talking about feeding and sleeping patterns of new babies."

Different stages of parenthood bring different interests and values, and once the pram and dummies are packed away, and extramurals and preschools become the hot topic, you may find some of your friends in a whole different world to yours.

Friend or foe?
According to the Child survey, almost half of new moms end up socialising with friends who have children of a similar age, who they met in antenatal classes or at a playgroup. These are the friends they turn to in a crisis, rely on for babysitting, share tips with and choose for child-friendly outings. But even so, there are still no guarantees that the friendship will be problem-free.

For one, says Dr Peirson, postnatal depression can put strain on friendships. "Mothers with PND may withdraw, or behave out of character, and some of their friends won't have the insight to know what's going on."

New motherhood can be a time of feeling vulnerable, insecure, or even irrational about parenting strategies. Many of our deeply-rooted parenting beliefs only surface once we hold our baby for the first time, and it may be disturbing to discover that a close friend has different beliefs to your own.

"I think all moms want to know that they are doing the best job possible, and it can be difficult to tolerate differences in parenting style when it makes you question whether you’re doing the right thing," says Dr Peirson.

Friends can differ over discipline strategies, unruly behaviour of children, treatment of furniture, and even plain old competitiveness.