Article: Nikki Bush from Your Baby magazine

All babies are born with a basic temperament - easy, fussy, happy, difficult, demanding, placid or contented. Research indicates that a child's individual personality only starts developing after 18 months when he starts seeing himself as separate from his mother. But these early characteristics form the cornerstone of the person that he will become.

According to counselling and research psychologist Braam Breetge, who specialises in very young children, a baby's personality is a work in progress.

"For the healthy development of personality, babies and young children need to feel secure, have a sense of inner stability and have the freedom to explore and develop their personality traits without having their personality scripted by their parents.

A developing sense of self

The basic personality structure of a human being is formed progressively during the first 7 years of life. According to Dr Charles E Schaefer and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo in their useful book Ages & Stages, before 18 months your baby has no idea that you and he or she are not one and the same person.

In fact, babies have no way of knowing that any other people exist separately from themselves. A sense of self as a separate body and mind, distinct from others, does not develop until the child is about 18 months old. Much of life before this time is devoted to learning to make this distinction.

The more security and acknowledgement your child gets in the first 18 months of life, the sooner he will start to make this distinction and start developing his individual character traits.

Milestones and personality

Braam says the achievement of a baby's milestones forms the groundwork for the development of later personality traits. For example, potty training is related to issues of control and weaning to independence from you the mother.

How we respond to our children's milestones influences the type of people they will become. Praise is usually heaped on the baby who has just learnt to sit or the toddler who takes his first tentative steps. A child who is battling with potty training may start experiencing his parents' frustration, anxiety and even anger. This will also have an effect on his self-esteem and the way in which he tries to control his world.

Tip

"Keep in mind that babies are individuals and there is a wide range is what is considered to be normal infant behaviour.

Try not to be surprised or disappointed with your baby's temperament style. Instead, accept your children for the individuals they are, and learn their likes and dislikes. This will help you develop the best relationship possible with your children." - The Centre for Effective Parenting