Article: Shelagh Foster Image: Women24

Speaking now as one of those single mothers, we don't. And we do. We don't have it easier because managing a household on one income is near impossible. We don't because it's nice to have someone to whinge to over a glass of wine at the end of a long day and it's nice to have another adult at the dinner table. And it's nice to have a sex life. But you don't need a husband for that. . .

We do, however, have it easier because when there's no one else to share the load, there's no one to get enraged with when they don't.

And that is the curse of the married-single parent. There is another parent there; capable, healthy and as equipped as you are to do the job. They simply opt not to do it. They don't make breakfast, pack lunches, schlep children, listen to woes and homework, feed friends, buy school uniforms, supervise tooth brushing, manage domestic staff, call in the plumber, take the dog to the vet or the child to the dentist. You do all that. And you probably have a paying job as well. But even if you don't, you're on call 24/7 and it would be nice to have a little help a little support, wouldn't it?

The married-single non-parent (the one who chooses not to parent) doesn't really have to do anything other than go out and earn money. Which he was doing anyway before he got a live-in child-maker-minder/slave person. But now he suddenly feels that this breadwinning status has earned him the right to do blow-all from the second he leaves the office, to the second he arrives there in the morning. So forgetting general paternal duties for a moment, this married-single non-parent doesn't even do the morning school run or stop to buy bread and dog food on the way home (why didn't you remember to get it?).

I say 'he' because, to be honest, most married-single parents are women. That's just the way it works in this world, and certainly in our corner of it. And hey, it's been working like that for generations, so why mess with a good thing?

Of course, there are degrees of non-participatory parenting. Some fathers will do the soccer run on a Saturday morning (but don't have a clue what size soccer boots their sons wear), will light the braai (but won't remember to buy the wood), will pour wine for dinner guests (and will indeed tell you which wine to order) and, if you ask really nicely, will even help you load the dishwasher at the end of the evening. Those are the good ones.

The excellent ones are rare. They are the lovely men who get it that parenting – and indeed marriage – is a full time job for both partners; and that children who have two active, involved and participatory parents will always have the edge. They are the ones who remember to buy bread and flowers (okay, so I'm fantasising now) and who'd actually rather play touch rugby with the kids than watch sport on TV (now I'm really fantasising). But you get my drift. There are good guys. The married-married ones. If you have one, hang on to him. And if you don't? Well at least you're not alone. Much.

Shelagh Foster is the Editor of Your Pregnancy magazine.

Do you feel like a married single-parent? Or do you know anyone who is one. Let us know your thoughts.