Getting intimate

Your answers to these questions should give you some idea of how open you are to sexual intimacy.

Here's the seven-step approach:
1. Open up.
If you're not willing to (and doing so really doesn't suit everyone),you're not going to be able to achieve true sexual intimacy.

2. Love yourself.
It's a cliché, but if you don't love yourself, nobody else will be able to love you either – and you'll project your feelings on to your partner.

3. Let yourself go.
You need to be able to let yourself go completely when you're making love. And that means getting to know – and accepting – your body exactly as it is. It's amazing how few women really know their own bodies intimately, yet expect a lover to hit all the right buttons instantly.

4. Learn to communicate.
If you have a wider communication problem in your relationship, it'll stand in the way of sexual intimacy. You have to be able to show your partner what you do and don't like sexually.

5. Show some emotion.
Enjoy plenty of affection outside the bedroom. Kissing, cuddles and eye contact will make your relationship feel closer and more intimate, and this will make sexual intimacy more likely.

6. Get it together.
Establish new (non-sexual) bonds with your partner, whether that means finding a shared interest or, if you don't manage it already, making sure you cook for each other at least three times a week.

7. Work on it.
Think back to any experience you've had in your life that came close to total sexual intimacy. What did you see, feel, hear and think? Can you recall all of those feelings? Next time you're making love with your partner, try to access them again.

If your partner resists sexual intimacy...
Like all things about a good sex life, intimacy needs work.