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This figure jumps to 20% for married women aged 55 – 59, and 33% for married women aged between 60 and 64.
Scared? It gets worse. These stats apply to married women, not separated or divorced women, but married women living in the same house as their spouses. I've only been married for a year and a half and I find these stats alarming and depressing, yet not surprising.
I'll admit to being "too tired" or "not in the mood" sometimes.
But why does that have to be the first thing that goes?
Too much energy going elsewhere...
Are we just too busy trying to be superwomen, expending our energy in all other areas of our lives, leaving us so emotionally drained and physically tired we simply deny ourselves the pleasure of connecting intimately and physically with our partners?
Or are we feeling less desirable?
Or is it that, over time, we stop taking care of ourselves – by eating poorly and being sedentary – so we feel less sexual in our bodies? Or maybe if our partners start slacking in the romance and "wooing" department, we may feel that they no longer find us attractive.
Lovers morphing into friends...
Another common phenomenon is that married couples focus so much on being good, reliable life partners that the passion just fizzles away. It's very easy to get caught up in the well-oiled, domestic machine that the only things you do together in bed is watch TV, read or sleep.
...and lethargy prevails.
Emotional causes aside, for some women there are physical reasons. Anti-depressants and certain medications can have a major effect on our libidos. But maybe, because we want to be these strong, independent women who can do it all, we sacrifice our health and well-being, ignoring the symptoms and signs. Instead of discussing side-effects with a doctor or seeking professional advice, we are happy to just live with chronic fatigue and non-existent libidos.
But whatever our reasons, I am saddened by the fact that, as women, we can apparently, live so easily without sex. It seems like our automatic response, whenever we feel pressured or tired, is to say no to sex. As if having an orgasm is going to exacerbate our stress levels.
Sex is supposed to be fun and stress-relieving for both parties, so why are we so happy to go without it?
Have you ever fallen into a no sex rut? How did you get out of it? (Or didn't you?) Please share below... we clearly all need the help!
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| I love my husband to bits, but it seems that my libido is much higher than his. I think I grew up thinking that if a man makes love to a woman you know that he loves her, so that is how I measure his love for me. Do you think that it is a silly way to measure love? We make love about once a week, is the quantity too little for a 8 year married couple? | ||
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| Pellie on 13 Aug at 08:17 |
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| I am married for over 3years and already the sex is dry. I blame it on the stress, fatigue (work and demanding toddler who sleeps with us) but the truth is I have a low libido and other personal issues, so sex is like a chore. I know I have to see a doctor/someone but I have been busy...as for my hubby he used to complain but has stopped, and boy I'm relieved.... | ||
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| Tania on 13 Aug at 09:31 |
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| Chances are that he stopped complaining because he's getting it elsewhere. I'm in the same boat and have contemplated looking elsewhere. I also stopped complaining. | ||
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| A husband on 13 Aug at 10:04 |
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| if i had to do it all gain i would'nt. say single and leave your options open - or end up havin it once a moth if your lucky. | ||
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| another husband on 13 Aug at 10:26 |
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| After 6yrs and 1 child, I have come to the conclusion there are many reasons. Apart from being busy and tired most of the time, I think the biggest reason is that men stop romancing us, us or just seeing us for who we really are. Not just as mothers, maids and cooks. My dh's idea of foreplay is an elbow in the ribs. And since ALL men think they are amazing lovers, to try and discuss it is impossible - grounds for a divorce. So, husband, maybe if you treat your wife like you used to before you married her, and stop complaining about your lot in life with a cold wife, you will get somewhere. Women have sex with their brains, so if you are not going to try and get into her brain, you are not going anywhere!! Your wife is probably at home/work trying to better your and your family's life, and you are thinking of looking elsewhere. Typical!! | ||
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| wife on 13 Aug at 10:28 |
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| that true Tania work on it some people feel ignored by partners and end up getting it some where. He doesn?t want you to see him as complaining person it important in relationship to try and satisfy each other, don?t ever think that you husband understand that u got a situation and u are doing nothing just fix that sweet. | ||
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| kety on 13 Aug at 10:30 |
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| It's a fact that women take the lions share of the household chores. After working all day, handling the kids, shopping and cooking,etc I am so tired I can't think straight. Some days I am so tired I just want to to sit and cry. Where must I find the desire and energy for sex? Maybe if men starting taking a more active role in the house, wifey dear may be more interested in bed! | ||
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| charmed on 13 Aug at 10:32 |
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| I think a large proportion of men dont get the amount of sex they would like and most are considerate enough not to push the issue if the wife is not showing any interest. As for finding it elsewhere I think lots of guys have considered that route but dont want to risk the drama that would occur if the wife found out about it. In my case my wife frequently suggested I go and find a girl friend as her interest in sex was close to zero. I never did because even though I was "encouraged" to find someone else I knew it would be unpleasant if I actually did that. We have been married for 50 years now and I haven't had sex in more than 30 years. Now of course I am pretty well past having it but it would be nice every now and then! | ||
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| Another husband on 13 Aug at 10:32 |
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| I am a husband in the same boad , I also stopped complaining , I am not looking for it elsewhere but I wont so know should some lady give me the attention. I also work, Look after the kid, Get up at night for the kid, Make food, Do dishes ETc , And my Libido has gone no where !! | ||
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| Anon on 13 Aug at 10:41 |
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| We've been married 10 years now and have two boys aged 8 and 5. My husband has always had a higher libido than me and would make love every day if possible. He approaches lovemaking like running a marathon and not a sprint, which can be a blessing and a curse at times. A big plus for him is that he's never criticised how I look, even when I had put on weight, and is always attracted to me. However, he's stopped initiating as it used to get quite disappointing for him when I was too tired or "not in the mood". I've made the decision to meet my husband's needs and we average about three or four times a week, with me initiating without any pressure, which seems to work for us. We've also decided from day one to have a "date night" with each other once a week to make sure we stay connected and get to focus on each other. It's a special time we look forward to, to escape from the kids, and they are so used to it now, they are disappointed if we don't go out. Pellie, I think, measuring your husband's love for you according to the times he makes love to you, is setting yourself up for disappointment and is quite dangerous. What if he develops a sexual problem? Remember that men are more physical creatures than women. I think how he treats you in general is a better indicator (with respect, thoughtful, protective, etc). And the quantity is really what satisfies both of you, regardless of the number. This was quite long, but anyway, I hope it helps someone. Viva L'amour | ||
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| Viva L'amour on 13 Aug at 10:44 |
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An exciting pair of adjustable nipple clamps, each with its own vibrator motor and a control providing variable speeds.
What could be better than lying on your back with a man paying oral homage to your most sensitive areas?
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