Article: Prudence Goredema from True Love
Image: Ablestock

20-something trouble spots
Lee, 22, who has been sexually active since she was 15 says, "sex has certainly improved. I don't have problems finding willing partners, but finding someone I am willing to sleep with isn't easy." through lack of experience perhaps, some men just don't give their woman deep satisfaction. The hiccups of the 20s may be, in part, due to lots of enthusiasm but little knowledge of what it's all about.

Johannesburg-based psychiatrist and sex therapist, Dr Bernard Levinson, has treated patients from many backgrounds and explains that misguided goals are often the root cause of unsatisfying sex. Whilst there might be a lot of excitement in a new relationship, the actual sex may not be as magical as it ought to be and it is only the flame of young love keeping things superficially exciting.

The sexual response cycle: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution, first defined by sex researchers, masters and Johnson, is often short-circuited or cut short if either partner has lost the plot. Dr levinson explains that "[sex can improve] by seeing loving not as a penis-vagina experience, but as a total loving, in touch, body-sharing experience. the journey is, and must be, more important than the destination."

30-something headaches
Samantha, 33, says sex definitely gets better with age. "Once you are more comfortable with yourself, warts and all. When you no longer care how you look, the wobbly bits somehow stop to matter. Sex is definitely more enjoyable now – there is less faking required." So shyness can be shed and sexual confidence boosted, but can sex remain good indefinitely, or is there a sexual peak directly related to age?

Dr levinson explains, "the conventional wisdom is that the sexual peak is early for men – around 18 years of age, and later for women, as late as 30. I personally think that's nonsense. so much depends on the culture, the religion, the experience of the individual and their capacity to relate. Peak can't mean olympic gymnastics and massive frequent orgasms. It must mean finally reaching a harmony and a oneness. Some couples only reach it in later life." But even if you're less inhibited, the pressures of work and raising a family can all too often push sex into oblivion.

40-something gripes
Whether in a good relationship or not, the need to get frisky all the time may wane with the passage of years, so perhaps sex is less important as you age? Dr Levinson says, "this is not true. A global study I was involved in many years ago, with a sample of 29 000 people over the age of 50 from 29 countries, showed a massive interest in loving in later life. the problem is the amount of medication used in this group and the frequency of physical problems that bedevil older folk."

It is a clear case of the spirit being willing, but the flesh weak. Whilst a woman may have reached body confidence and sexual goddess status, men in the same age bracket may fail to "rise to the occasion". In the case of older men who hit libido problems, there are many treatment options available today, e.g. Men's Clinic international, so there is no need to call it a day – or an early night.

Has sex become a headache for you and your partner? Or have you managed to reach your sexual utopia? Tell us in the comment box below.