Gays and other interested parties have lobbied the government for years to change the laws concerning marriage. They say that they want to be able to get married and be afforded the same rights and privileges as their heterosexual counterparts. Finally, after much debate and wrangling, the controversial Civil Union Bill was passed by the South African National Assembly on 14 November 2006, a fortnight before the 1 December deadline that was set by the Constitutional Court to address same-sex marriages. The landmark bill recognises the "voluntary union of two persons, which is solemnised and registered by either a marriage or civil union." Agree with it or not, this law affects real people, people with hopes and dreams.

Thuli* (30), advocacy officer for a nongovernmental Organisation

"I don't know if there was a specific moment when I knew that I was gay, but I have been attracted to women ever since I can remember. I have only ever dated women, never men. I grew up in a home that was pretty sexually diverse. My uncle is a hermaphrodite, which means he has both male and female genitalia. I have an aunt who is a lesbian, so I guess having such diverse attitudes in my family towards sexuality made it easier for me.

"I grew up in an atheist home and I actually had more trouble from my father for going to church than for being gay; he sometimes beat me after I had been to church! But as far as my sexuality was concerned, being gay was pretty normal in my mind and no one in my family ever hassled me about my lesbianism. "The challenge came when I went out into the larger community and had to deal with stereotypes and prejudices. In those days, growing up in the '80s during apartheid and at the time of the State of Emergency, it was hard enough coping with being black, but there I was, black and gay and dating women!

"I grew up in Soweto. When people realised I had girlfriends and was, therefore, gay and obviously different to the heterosexual stereotype, I got a lot of flack for being a lesbian. They just couldn't deal with it, especially men, who would proposition me to try to see whether they could convince me to change my mind and 'go' with them. Other people accused me of many things – words like stabane (a derogatory township word for a homosexual) would be thrown at me when I walked down the street.

"It was hard to grow up with this kind of prejudice, but even as a teenager, I always tried to be true to myself. If a guy was hitting on me, I would try to explain that I was involved with a woman. I have never hidden from this truth about myself. The only reason I am remaining anonymous for this article is to protect my girlfriend's identity as she only came out recently and has had a lot of flack from her family.

"I think black lesbians have a very hard time in this country. Lesbians have been targeted, raped, assaulted and even killed because of their choice of lifestyle. "Homosexuality is still taboo in many societies, which prevents people from 'coming out' about being gay because they are so afraid of what people will think or do to them.

"I experienced extreme violence when I was growing up, especially from an uncle who used to be physically and verbally abusive. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with my sexuality, but after a while, I left my biological family and was adopted by a Muslim foster family who lived in Eldorado Park.

"My current girlfriend, Tahira*, and I have been together since 2003. My foster mother did not take the news well when I told her I was gay and it caused a lot of conflict in our relationship. When I told her about my relationship with Tahira, which is a pretty serious one, she flipped out. Lesbianism is against her religion. She tried to stop me from seeing Tahira; she even refused to allow me to accept phone calls from my girlfriend at home. In the end, I felt I had no choice but to leave her house so I could be myself and be free to pursue my relationship.

"Since my partner has come out to her family and told them about our relationship, it has been very difficult as she comes from a Hindu background. She has experienced a lot of rejection and conflict. Her family refuses to accept me and think I have turned her into a lesbian."

They had dreams for her, that she would marry and have children one day and now those dreams are gone. That's why she stayed in the closet for such a long time. I didn't mind that she hid our relationship as it's not easy to come out. I would never force anyone out and I would have loved her even if she chose to stay in the closet. "I am comfortable with being affectionate towards my girlfriend in public. I have never cared too much about what people think and I won't allow them to infringe on my rights. I feel completely comfortable with being who I am.

"As far as marriage is concerned, I don't know if I really believe in it as an institution because, to me, it's always been a symbol of oppression. So I don't really have much faith in the concept of marriage. But having said that, the whole gay marriage debate was and continues to be important because I believe I should be able to get married if I want to. I should have the choice. Maybe one day I would like to marry, maybe even marry my current girlfriend, and I think it's important that we all have stood together and fought to have this choice."

Tahira* ( 29), nurse and student

"I would like to get married to Thuli for many reasons. I would like my "wife" to have that ease of connection with me, to make me feel that I belong in a positive, intimate way. I would also like to enjoy the social and financial benefits of being married, the way heterosexual couples do. By being married, you attain a position of social standing and acceptance. I would really like to have children and be married and for them to feel that they belong.

The Civil Union Bill is still problematic because we need a marriage act that is all inclusive, not one that makes a differentiation for gay people. We have many different banks, but they all follow the Banking Act and it should work just the same with all these diverse people. Why should we have different rules for different people?

"Thuli is my second gay relationship. I had just ended a relationship with a woman when she came into my life. I wasn't looking for someone, but she found me. I am Hindu and grew up in a very culturally aware household. According to our religious beliefs, you have to get married and have kids. If you don't, there is something wrong with you. There are really no options; that's just the way it is. And if it looks like you are not going to find a husband, a marriage is arranged for you.

"I did have a few heterosexual relationships, just to please my family, but they never worked for me. I didn't feel like myself when I was with a man. I felt confined and trapped. When I found myself actually involved in my first gay relationship, I felt like I had found my independence and myself for the first time. I was waiting for someone to guide me, I suppose. When I thought of how my family would react if I told them I was gay, I thought of my mother and father the most. I think I didn't come out for a long time because my mother had a medical condition and I was scared she would die of a heart attack.

"But then I got sick and had to have an operation. By now, I was involved and living with Thuli. My mother came to stay to look after me and I decided to take the risk and tell her about my love for Thuli. Our love was so intense that I felt it was worth it.

"So I told my mother. Well, she went over the edge completely. Words cannot describe her reaction. She really reacted very badly. She called me every name under the sun, every insulting, homophobic thing. She claimed that I was just desperate for sex as I had not had many heterosexual relationships. It was really hectic.

"So after my coming-out, my family disowned me. At the time I really thought of killing myself just to escape my mother's abusiveness and homophobic accusations. Time has passed and although she is still not really okay with my choices, there have been days where she has been a bit more accepting.

"It's crazy because, growing up in a heterosexual society, if you are straight, no one expects you to confirm that you are heterosexual, but if you are homosexual, it feels like there is so much to explain, to confess. It's as though we are always looking for affirmation and acceptance from our friends, our families, in our social spaces and our workplaces.

"The other day we went to the bank and were looking at this straight couple really getting into each other in the queue, feeling each other up, and so on, and no one seemed to care. But when I took my partner's hand, people looked at us in a disgusted way."

* Names have been changed.