Article: Donna Stephen

The changes go hand-in-hand with social and political ones. The kind of social politics which makes it less scandalous to marry for love (a real shocker four hundred years ago) to marrying across the colour line (once banned by law here and still a no-no in certain circles) and marrying people of the same sex. Yet they all boil down to a single emotion. And Valentine's Day brings its own set of notions about the "L" word.

Most single people still have mixed feelings towards romantic love of any kind. You get those who view it with a certain kind of animosity; then there are the cynics; those who are lonely and just going through a dry patch and, of course, singles who just like their own company (and the company of as many other shag-buddies as possible) so much they don't want anyone else messing up their quality time with themselves.

Whichever group of singles you belong to, Valentine's Day is bound to make you cringe to some extent. It's difficult being surrounded by hearts and flowers and couples gazing soppily into each other's eyes when you have a more cynical view of love. But cynicism about love is more often about bad experiences and less about being cold-hearted.

Then there are the couples who refuse to pander to what they'd call a "Hallmark invention" and won't go out and celebrate Valentine's Day. But the day itself isn't about giving cards and buying jewellery (though if it's expected, I'm not absolving you from this responsibility), it's about getting in touch with your feelings and expressing love. It gives those who are awkward with demonstrating emotions a legitimate excuse to be soppy - and those who are hopelessly sentimental an excuse to go overboard.

My point is also about there being different kinds of love in the world.

We all think of love in a rather conventional way. Boy meets girl, marries girl, they have 2.3 children, a car, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence ...and a dog. That's the kind most of us know.

In a changing world we have to realise there are many kinds of love and romance. Not all are kinds we approve of or want for ourselves but they all deserve our respect.

This Valentine's Day we should expand our notions of love. If you're single, get out there with a bunch of friends or family and celebrate love. Don't be one of the lonely hearts sitting at home alone because you think everyone is out in tightly knotted pairs.

And if your partner likes Valentine's Day and you don't - get our there anyway. This day is about giving.

There's an old saying that says the only way to make a friend is to be a friend. The same applies to love - the only way to invite more into your life is to give more.

If you have a point to make or a problem with the idea, post a message on our Hot topic message board or email Donna.