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Body language
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Communication is mostly about what we don't say. Learn the art of reading body language and you 'll master the art of communication.
Article: Susan Newham from Ideas
POSTURE
Everyone has a different posture and the way you hold yourself depends on the situation:

  • If you stand with your shoulders hunched forward, your arms crossed, and are leaning to one side, it will look as if you 're not interested in the task at hand (or the person you 're speaking to).
  • If you stand with shoulders back, head up and arms at your sides, with closed fi sts,you will look as if you are ready for anything.
  • Someone who has folded arms, crossed legs and is turned slightly away from you is indicating that they are not interested in the conversation or are feeling detached from you. If that person starts unfolding their arms and uncrossing their legs it might indicate that they are starting to accept you or what you are saying.

    As much as 93 per cent of what we communicate is through body language and tone of voice. In every interaction we demonstrate visible signals about our feelings, despite what we are saying. Your closest friend tells you she loves your new lounge suite,but while she talks, she crosses her arms, brushes her nose and avoids eye contact. If you are any good at reading body language you 'll know that, far from liking it, she is horrified at your choice.We all use body language, whether we realise it or not. Facial expressions, posture, gestures and even throat clearing are all types of body language that communicate what you really mean.

    GESTURES
    Simple hand and arm movements can say a lot about a person.Here are a few of the most common gestures and what they mean:

  • Crossing your arms gives a strongly negative message. Most people assume this position if they disagree with what they are hearing. Even if someone says they agree with you, if their arms are crossed they may have a negative attitude towards you.But folded arms could also indicate that the person is cold – so check the weather before you jump to conclusions.
  • Mirroring someone indicates that you like them and agree with them. Mirroring happens when two people stand in the same pose while talking to each other. If one uncrosses their arms, the other will do the same. If one stands with one foot forward, the other will follow. If you want to get someone to trust you, or establish a rapport with them, mirror their pose to indicate that you are thinking along the same lines.
  • 'Steepling' your hands demonstrates confi dence and a position of authority.
  • Hair-twirling, placing your hand in front of your mouth, rubbing your arm or leg and wringing your hands could indicate that you are nervous, anxious or uncertain.

    USE OF SPACE
    Personal space – the size of the space you maintain between yourself and others, depends on your culture and the person to whom you are speaking. How close you stand to someone indicates how intimate or comfortable you are with them. We generally maintain bigger spaces when interacting with strangers than with people we are emotionally close to.

    FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
    Facial expressions are perhaps the most obvious form of body language and give weight to what we are saying. It is diffi cult to believe someone is truly upset or angry if they have a big sheepish grin on their face:

  • A genuine smile makes people feel at ease whereas a frown might indicate that you are angry or unsure.
  • Generally people make eye contact when they are feeling comfortable and sure of themselves. People who avoid eye contact could be feeling shy, nervous or untruthful. At the same time, someone who stares at you can be perceived as aggressive or unbalanced.

    DIFFERENT CULTURES, DIFFERENT SIGNALS
    Although body language is a powerful communication system in all cultures, it can signal different things to different people:

  • Standing with one hand on your hip can signify anger or hostility in many cultures, such as Malaysia, Argentina and Mexico.
  • In African culture direct eye contact is avoided in conversation as it is regarded as disrespectful, arrogant and even aggressive.
  • In South East Asia, the head is considered the most important part of the body and should not be touched – that includes the head of a child. You should never show the soles of your feet (the lowest part of your body) to anyone either.
  • People from many African cultures stand closer to each other than in Western culture. Personal space is smaller.
  • It is customary for African men to walk ahead of women, for instance through doorways and into lifts. This is based on the premise that the male should be the protector and must face any potential danger first.
  • The thumbs-up sign is an obscene gesture in Iran and in Spain.

    COMING ACROSS AS CONFIDENT
    Whether for a job interview or walking into a party, look confident by sending positive non-verbal messages:

  • Make eye contact
  • Use appropriate gestures
  • Keep your weight on both legs. Don 't rock back and forth or lean to one side. Keep your chin up and face forwards. Be careful, though,not to look rigid and remember to breathe!
  • Be respectful of personal space. Crowding or leaning into others can seem aggressive and arrogant
  • Speak calmly. Speaking too quickly or too slowly, or using a high, uncontrolled pitch will tell people that you are nervous

    ARE THE FEELINGS MUTUAL
    Can you tell whether the person you like is interested in you too?

  • Look under the table. Is the person pointing their feet towards you? If they are, they are interested.
  • Are they mirroring your body language? A person who is interested in you will have the same posture and body positioning as you.
  • If a person is interested they often draw attention to their mouths, either by running their tongue over their lips, or by touching their mouth area.
  • If you like someone you are more likely to touch your hair, perhaps running your hand through it. But take note, twirling your hair is a sign of boredom!

    Image: Anél van der Merwe/ Woman's Value


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