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What is high maintenance?
Hi everyone
I was having drinks after work with a clutch of male colleagues, and the topic of girlfriends came up. (Oh, okay... I brought it up.)
"Mine's great, but she's high maintenance," shrugged Male Colleague 1.
"Ngh, ngh...," grunted Male Colleague 2, sagely nodding his head, like this was an interesting but mildly obvious comment.
"Am I high maintenance?" I asked brightly. Everyone avoided my eye and started talking hurriedly about something else. So I lent over and whispered the question again to Male Colleague 3, who also happens to be one of my closest friends.
"No, no, of course you are not high maintenance," he reassured me, patting me on my knee and affectionately re-adjusting the neckline of my shirt so that it fell more flatteringly.
He then lent over conspiratorially.
"And I am not gay."
And then we laughed like fish.
Okay, I am willing to concede that I may be the teeniest self-absorbed, and perhaps a little flighty of mood and a little fond of drink... but I make my own money and I don't buy clothes, demand gifts or care about home décor. Surely that makes me unusually low maintenance?
"If I am high maintenance, then so are you," I said to my business manager Deirdre this morning, after recounting this story. I find spreading taint very consoling.
"No, I am not," she retorted hotly, in a suspiciously high maintenance kind of way.
"Hah. I am so phoning Paul," I smirked. Deirdre quickly phoned her husband Paul herself, only to have a 5-second conversation which ended in raucous laughter from his end and a curt put down from hers.
Hmmm.
So, what does it mean to be high maintenance? Are these women you need to spend a lot of money on, or women you need to spend a lot of time listening to?
Are there different types of high maintenance – financial and emotional? Or is high maintenance just a synonym for "difficult"? I think so.
And why does no one ever talk about high maintenance MEN? My husband Andreas is an anarchist who eschews all products from international companies with neo-colonialist brand strategies. Now THAT'S high maintenance.
So, enough of this pick-on-a-chick shit. Please write in to tell me about the high maintenance men in your lives, and why you consider them to be that way.
Hah. I feel better already.
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| If the collective noun for male colleagues is a clutch, sweetpea, may I suggest a 'handbrake of female colleagues'? Seriously though - as much as I delight in your assumption that 'high maintenance' is a euphemism for difficult, it's not. Men aren't natural communicators (if you think your man's different, he's lying to you or hiding something). High maintenance women (or men for that matter) are those counterparts in our relationships that require exceptional volumes of communication. How many friends do you have who can take a single statement, and spend HOURS analysing it to death. (Sam, we've spent days on this, but we're exceptional ;) It's these people that are high maintenance. That's now the second time you've outed me on Women24. I think we need a Q&A on this site: "Ask Sam's Gay Best Friend" - I promise to be COMPLETELY honest. Love and smudged mascara. #3 | ||
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| Colleague #3 on 07 Feb at 13:20 |
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| So - Im bridesmaid for my best friend who has flown out from America where she is now living, to get married in SA - and there we are listening to her lovely speech and she starts thanking me for all that I have done and for all the time I gave her and a thank you to my man for letting me spend so much time with her because he is such HIGH MAINTENANCE - Squirm Squirm (me)- and storm on Man's face before he storms out.....My best friend's wedding and he now wants to leave because of these 2 word. Drama, Drama, tears and drama...(the bride and I) Doesn't this just proved how true the 2 little words are....??? | ||
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| Cheryl-Ann Wilson on 07 Feb at 14:50 |
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| I think HM applies more to people who drain other people emotionally. Money is optional, if a person does not want to spend money on you they can always not, so when they do, assume because they want to. But emotions, are what the relationship is built on so people tend to be more indulgent with them. But there are people out there who suck every ounce of emotion and still come back for more. If a person has to avoid talking (which is free of charge)to you, ask yourself why? | ||
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| Sibo on 07 Feb at 18:20 |
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| HM has nothing to do with money at all. Men and woman generally class a certain type of individual under that category, based on "materialism". When a man notices a certain type of woman, perhaps strutting in a gorgeous pair of Prada peep-toes and a Chloe bag, they automatically assume she is "HM".. little does he realise she had those shoes and bag before he came along. Bottom line HM woman and well man MAINTAIN themselves. So what's the big deal. | ||
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| Nadia on 08 Feb at 08:54 |
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| I think High Maintenance is less a gender issue than an individual condition. I've met HM men and HM women... I'd say I'm pretty high emotional low materialistic maintenance myself - but not so my husband. He's not the moody one - wakes up chirpy and singing (badly) every day of his life. But he's a one-man risk factor to the high spending crisis in our country! And I think I agree with Nadia HM Diva above. | ||
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| chaanah on 08 Feb at 09:39 |
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| From what I've picked up from guys, HM refers to being needy, especially emotionally needy. So, this would refer to the women who can't function independently enough by themselves (also acting helpless), and wait for the men in their lives to contact them, so that they can be 'validated'. I reckon that one can gain a man's respect and attention without being needy, bitchy or whiney. | ||
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| Amelia on 08 Feb at 10:13 |
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| In my opinion - High Maintenance is a term often used by men who are threatened by a successful woman and because they know that they don't measure up financially or other (hahhaa!!) If I am successful, and i can afford to treat myself good - to who am i high maintenance to? Its my money, i don't expect him to do anything for me, high maintenance - my foot!!! | ||
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| Adds on 08 Feb at 10:18 |
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| In my opinion, HM women are women that needs a lot of quality time. i.e. dont allow the guy to be and feel free. The man always have to worry about what the women is gonna think if he has that last one beers with his friends and so on. The botom line is that the man always ends being with the women and doing what the women wants to do, and little time is left for his interests. As for men being HM, there are very very few of them around. | ||
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| lyndon on 08 Feb at 10:49 |
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| Here's HM..... my friend's boyfriend was cooking burgers for supper, alone in the kitchen while us girls chatted on the couch. he comes in, burgers perfectly made with all the trimmings and hands one to each of us.... my friend looks at her boyfriend, says she's not eating that and she now wants a spur burger so he gets in the car to get her one. I ate the burger he cooked and it was yummy. Now i definitely call my friend HIGH MAINTENANCE | ||
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| Bee on 08 Feb at 11:08 |
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| I equate high maintenance with demanding people. Demanding, I hear you ask incredulously? Yip - we come across those people in life who just make us feel uncomfortable because we don't know how to keep up. It could be a longlist of reasons why - their high energy level, the fact that they always seem to be doing something worthwhile and still find time for all other things in life, they gym, they shop, they have careers, they want to go on holiday overseas and they do, they are never short of funding whether they liveon the financial edge or not, they seem to blow away everything in their way. Typically the sort of person we look at and wonder just exactly how they manage to do it all and to seemingly not worry about anything. The sort of person who anages to turn everything ito a positive for them and a negative for those around them. We get into a relationship with them and the emotional side becomes harrowing - it is an effort to avoid everything turning into an argument, it is an effort to know just what you are expected to do or not to do, it is an effort just to try and second-guess (or anticipate) that person's next move or mood. Gee, keep them away from me - I like spunky, energetic people but those who take an effort just to say "Hi" to I don't need anywhere near me. | ||
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| Tuffy on 08 Feb at 11:27 |
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