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6 February 2008
End-user argument

 
"Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth". In other words, don't mess with your Network Administrator!

 
I wonder if it's a coincidence that our Network Administration department is the only one in our 22-floor building that requires an access card and password to enter. I know techies don't like to mix with mortals, but it makes me wonder if they, who we generally know as The HelpDesk, exist at all. We can log calls, even email them our problems, but I suspect there are only two shift call operators and a tea lady on the entire floor (the rest are always on training), and that emails are responded to via automated response that immediately 'comments out' words such as critical and urgent. The result is, even if your PC has crashed to smithereens, your cry for help will be flagged with the same status as when you'd forgotten your password. Ie, not critical.

Or suddenly, as is the latest, and without warning, a small screen will open at the bottom of your screen and you'll lose immediate control over your mouse as if the old poltergeist himself had taken over your station. This is when they remote control your settings and stuff. It's hilarious.

Or, you get into a situation as happened to a colleague of mine a week ago. She got an official notification that they were busy putting a 'patch' on her PC, and that it would shut down in 6 minutes. So she saved, and took a break. After 10 minutes, she found her PC was still up and running, but before she could get confused, she received another notification that they'll shut her down in 6 minutes. Don't believe it, 3 hours later it was still the same procedure. Until around 9 minutes after their last 6-minute warning eeaauuwww, down closed her CPU (Central Processing Unit), and she lost all her work.

But there's no fighting it, Network Administrators, aka as Server Geeks, are here to stay, and it'll help the cause to get under the keyboards of these 'beings' who have the power to make or break your working day.

Network Administrators are people too!
I found the insight and tips on what kind of people network administrators are on a dinkum website called networkadministrators.com a while ago:

If your Network Administrator (NA) seems distant, and don't they just, realise they're private beings that interact best in Internet chat rooms and e-mail rather then on a more personal level. Just give your NA some space and he or she might come to you on their own.

Often, your NA will be working on several issues at once, and the section of their brain that is responsible for pleasantries is pre-occupied with running the network, all the servers, the workstations, website, mail servers, SQL server, hubs, switches, routers, and the backing up of mission critical data.

They are also very selfish with their free time, days off and vacations. A lot of managers don't understand this and are often confused by the unwillingness of a NA to repair co-worker's home computers on the weekends...

NAs are trained in a language different than the one you were taught to use in your communications, liberal arts class, or that MBA. NAs speak in acronyms and only use the 0 and 1s in numbers. If you are having trouble understanding your NA, just ask him or her to explain what they are talking about. NAs are always willing to explain terms. Although, be prepared to feel stupid.

If you feel your NA won't address you by your title, and doesn't seem to respect you, sadly, your NA doesn't respect you. Many managers believe themselves to be on a higher level than a computer genius. If you can't correctly programme your home VCR to stop flashing 12:00 every time your power goes out, then how can you really expect your NA to respect you?

Say your NA did something bad, and you want to punish him. The website advises: Don't. 30 years of psychological research has shown that punishing your NA will have severe long-term effects on how and when the government audits your company. Don't jump to conclusions because in most cases you don't know what the hell you are talking about. And don't leave your banking account or ID number on your computer.

And now, another lesson straight from the horse's mouth.

Guidelines for working with tech support:

  • When a techie says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's nothing to us to remember 4 000 screensaver passwords.
  • When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
  • When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It's nothing but trouble anyway.
  • Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy's outta whack".
  • Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
  • If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for your all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime money.
  • When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
  • If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
  • If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
  • When your eyes fall on the family pictures on a tech's desk, exclaim in a flabbergasted tone of voice: "YOU have a child?!?" We need to be reminded of how lucky we were to ever have gotten laid.

    So hopefully now that you have this rare insight into these mysterious beings who look human, but think like motherboards.

    And when next they say "once we've disintermediated strategic e-services and deployed open-source bandwidth to maximise out-of-the-box users we'll be able to cross-domain data access policies in flash player", feel free to reply "I don't know nothing about computer crap." They don't mind at all hearing their area of professional expertise is referred to as crap. Really not, according to networkadministrators.com.

    In fact, while you're sounding off in frustration, they're quickly figuring out a way to twang your binary code so your computer performs an illegal operation and shuts down every time you try to play a streaming vid or audio clip. Or something like that.

    Unfortunately, the networkadministrators.com website no longer exists. But we sure are glad we got this info before they shut down!

    Got anything to add? Tell us about your network administrator in the comment box below.


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