‘My boyfriend refuses to go for HIV testing’

After having unprotected sex, a reader wants to know how she can make her boyfriend get tested.


My boyfriend and I started dating about three months back. I’ve recently suggested to him that we both go testing for HIV because there were times where we had unprotected sex. He’s reluctant to go testing with me, when the date comes he postpones. 

How can I get him to come with me?
- Reader


Oh dear, men just don't like medical care.They shudder away from this experience to their overall health disadvantage.They have to have the heart attack before they give up booze, cigarettes and watching sport on TV, instead of actually doing any sport.

This reluctance to seek health care is exacerbated by the fear of HIV/AIDS/STI's. Most of us prefer to ignore that it can happen to us. After all who wants to interfere the moment with “put on a condom?”

Perhaps going for a HIV/AIDS/STI test means commitment. Or it means knowing your status and thus you have to use a condom. It’s complicated. What is not complicated is that unprotected sex puts you both at risk. So you have to find a way to protect yourselves. Ideally knowing your stays is the first step.

You need to be on contraception, plus both of you need to insist and stick with this insistence, to always use condoms. I wonder if he's postponing because he already knows his status. This would be unfair to you. I suggest you make an appointment at HIV clinic for both of you, at a time when you know he can make it, and invite him for this date. You want to both get information about safer sex, not lecture, but information, so you can be prepared to practice safer sex. Knowledge gets people to feel safer.

And by the way, as long as you agree to have unsafe sex, he has no reason to stop. Make sure you can safely say NO to unsafe sex.
-Dr Eve

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