Think you've lost the lustre in your life? Our life coach, Lily, could help you rediscover your purpose and get on track! Read more
I am 26-years of age. About three months ago I got out of a really bad relationship. I have joined the gym, thinking of furthering my studies and looking for a job in another province to start again. I even read the "the secret" I have also turned to a more healthier lifestyle. The problem is, this is the first time since I was 14 years that I have been single. I have been in and out of a relationship for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I dont know what to do with myself it feels a bit strange that at this stage I am alone. I realise that I need time and space to heal. How do I get over my ex? How do single people live? When is it the right time to start dating again? I want to be happy and single finding that inner peace and happiness. A part of me is afraid of men because now I know what a man can be capable of. A part of me believes that there is life after a bad relationship. Are there any good books that you can recommend to help me through this period of my life.
Confused Single Gal...
When we have devastation happen to us in any form it is like a tornado that hits our shores.
After everything happened to us that we only imagined could be seen in the movies and we have been picked up and flung across an open field like a rag doll we lie there, sometimes bleeding and barely alive in shock.
The questions start coming - What happened? Why did it happen? Why me?! How could this happen? Who allowed this? God?! Was it You? Are You still there?!!! And so forth as we work through the trauma in our minds. Over and over again..
After some time the dust starts settling around us and as our vision becomes clearer we realize that what becomes visible around us doesn't look like the place that existed before the tornado struck at all.
Life as we knew it has been replaced with chaos. Nothing will ever be the same again.
At this stage we feel many things including tearful, lost, scared, lonely, angry, depressed and incredibly sad.
We mourn the loss of people and things. We might even wonder around aimlessly for days without a home to return to or a warm bed to sleep in.
It is important to speak to the right person at this stage. A counsellor, friend, pastor or mother.
Someone who is mature and able to listen constructively.
Working through all the ebb and flows of the emotions that at times feels overwhelming and leaves us gasping for air is a vital part of dealing with the devastation in our lives. Making an effort to face what we feel instead of hide what we feel (from ourselves and others) brings relieve while we move on to the next stage of the recovery process.
When we choose to hide what we feel and suppress our emotions and thoughts about the devastation we do not move on. Time does not heal or help us move on. It is only what we do in that time that makes any difference.
I have seen people that have gone through a tornado experience and who, ten years later, are still just as devastated as they were when it struck. Not a happy place to be!! Not to mention the physical discomfort of diseases that accompanies such suppressed emotions.
After we have faced our emotions and thoughts about the devastation with courage and bravery (for as long as it takes for the ebb and flows to become almost unnoticeable) are we ready to move on.
At this stage we face questions like - Who am I now that I have grown and changed so much by what happened to me? What is important to me now? Where do I want to invest myself and how? What do I believe now? What limiting believes do I now have 1. About myself 2. About life 3. About other people 4. About my capabilities and worth and so forth.
Here the expertise of a life coach would be helpful as we start exploring and building upon new and by this time cleared terrain.
As we answer these questions in a way that feels right to our core being our new consciously chosen life will take shape and might even be more authentic than the old just-the-way-it-is life that was taken from us.