QUESTION

Hi Lily,

Once upon a time, my wife had DRIVE and GO! She was MOTIVATED, full of energy and life. Ever since she quit her first job 4 years ago (They abused her.) she "settled" into a crappy, miniscule, low paying job, "because it is the best one she ever had." She has no apparent intent of bettering herself, she has no prospects of getting another job, she is depressed constantly and she only got ONE 4% raise in the last 4 years. She cries and calls herself a failure on an almost monthly basis, because she can’t stop smoking, she can’t lose weight, she “is not good enough for me” and a host of other problems. I have tried my best to try and get her self-esteem back up, but nothing I do seem to help. She used to be in the traveling industry, but quit because the hours was too long. She then got a job as a secretary and moved up to a shipping clerk. I gave her some money so that she can study part time to show her new boss that she wants to improve. I said that I will do all the cooking, dishes, washing, ironing and all the other household tasks, so that she can focus on her studies. 3 months into the course, she lost interest and 1 month before her final exams, she had to do some serious “cramming” to get it all done. Which, needless to say made life in our little world pretty freaking unbearable. She passed her exams and I took her out to celebrate, made a big fuss about it, congratulated her and told her that I am proud of her. I applaud her with every success and downplay or ignore the failures. She quits smoking monthly. She starts an exercise program every month and quits after less than a week. Starts a new diet and quits after a week. Nothing changed. She is still in the same position. She still gets the same crappy salary. She still shows no intent of bettering herself. She still cries herself to sleep. She still drums on what a failure she is. She still says that this job is the “best she ever had” and after 3 years of this, it is starting to affect me negatively. I dread home time, because she is going to cry and tell me about her failures again! I bought her books on stopping cigarettes, bought “Zumba” DVDs, praise her at every occasion, support her in every decision, bought books for me to see how I can build up her confidence, but still no difference. I can’t do this for much longer. I just want my happy wife back! ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I don’t know what to do anymore. (Could you not post this on the site please.)

Wille