I spent some time recently with a very large friend. I see her occasionally – like once every six months – and in June she had lost a lot of weight. Seems she has put it all on again – and some.
I watched her do things which I so know I did, and do. When we were all on the couch and moved up to make space for her, rather than sit between us, she put her bum on the edge of the couch and slouched between us. This was because she didn’t think there was enough space for her bum and so put a narrower part of herself between us.
All this did was make her look even wider and certainly not very comfortable.
She sat on the air of the couch rather than between us, perched up with hardly any weight on the arm for fear of it cracking.
She stood rather than sitting on the floor because (this I know) it is hard to get up off the floor when large. She was aware of her clothing the whole time, checking bits were not trapped in folds of herself or gaping to reveal flesh.
I watched her and I saw me as I was. I remember doing all those things.
There is a restaurant I won’t go to because the plastic moulded chairs are too narrow for my bum. I claim not to like the food but really, I am so uncomfortable I can’t enjoy myself.
I have often pretended to want to stand because I have felt the space available on a shared seat is too small for me.
I have worn clothes selected to hide me rather than show me.
I have spent so much time hidden and hiding, as she is now.
I have realised I am never ever going to be that person again. I said I was happy fat but I was not. And she may say the same but she is not. No one can be happy while constantly having to adjust life because of their size.
Kim blogged about, her amazing weight loss journey. Read her blog here or watch this space for next week's instalment.
Read Kim’s other blog here.