My life is divided into two parts. Pre-2008 and post-2008. My life changed forever in that year when I was date-raped.
I waited three days before seeing a doctor and
the examination was just as much of a violation as the attack. There was no way that I would have
emotionally survived an investigation so I chose to not press charges.
I spent three months in and out of bed with
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I
couldn’t go anywhere alone. I couldn’t
sleep. I had panic attacks. I couldn’t cope at work and my colleagues
crucified me.
My mother’s death in 2010 was the catalyst
that sent me completely over the edge. I
sought help and finally received the correct medication. For the first time since the attack, I was me
again.
If you
are going through something similar, try to remember the following:
Get to
a doctor or a hospital as soon as possible to receive
the necessary preventative medication.
The last thing you want, is to contract HIV or become pregnant.
Chose
your confidantes carefully. I chose to speak out because I chose to not
be a victim. But I soon learnt that many
people cannot deal with such things. Many
of them didn’t belive me and there was a lot of gossip.
Being a christian I assumed that church-going
christians would support me but it didn’t turn out that way. There were the exceptions however, to whom I am
forever grateful. People you least
expect might step up to the plate and lend you the support you need.
Seek
professional help. You may need to see a psychologist or
counselor or even a psychiatrist. Don’t
shun anti-depressants completely. They
saved my life.
Be kind
toyourself. Cry
and rage as much as you need to. Don’t
keep it bottled up.
Start rebuilding your life. It really does get better in time. By giving up, you let your attacker win.
Try to remember it is not your fault. It was never about your clothes or how far you
let it go before you said no. It was their
choice not yours. It was never about you
in the first place.
Embrace your spirituality. Don’t turn your back on God. You are going to need him more than ever.
Don’t set a time limit on your healing. It’s a very personal journey and each person
is unique.
Lastly, the most important lesson I learnt was
to just breathe. When you feel like you
can’t make it another minute, just breathe.
I still avoid the topic of rape and I cringe
inside whenever I hear that word. When I
speak about my experience, I talk about “the attack”. I never call it what it really is. I can’t bring myself to even say the word.
I still carry the scars but the burden is
getting lighter. I am through the worst. I have faced it down and I have won. You can too.
There is
life on the other side. I promise.
For more, visit Tanya's blog.