Abuse is a difficult thing to define.
I am not talking about the dictionary definition that explains abuse as only in the physical form. To the contrary, abuse can start in such a simplistic form like telling a little girl she is not pretty.
Many bloggers and columnists emphasise extreme forms of physical abuse as opposed to the subtle mental torment that exists in the everyday household.
Emotional, mental and psychological abuse rears its head just as much as physical – we just choose not to recognise it as violation because, we are too decent to stoop to such levels of social decay.
Right?
I can remember loving to read and lying on my bedroom floor for hours totally consumed in imagery constructed for pure escapism.
Then, as slight and sudden as a summer breeze the yelling would start. Not the ‘normal’ yelling that consists of profanities and subtle death threats, no, it goes much deeper than this.
I don’t know what enables people to become so mean that they deliberately intend to hurt someone with harsh words that can utterly cripple them emotionally. I have seen how one sentence can break the spirit of a child.
I would know because, it happened to me.
If a parent who is biologically engineered to nurture and love you diminishes your confidence its effects are that much more damaging than a stranger passing character judgements.
You see, the thing about this kind of abuse is that it’s actually very creative.
If you, the abuser wish to have power over the abusee just simply eradicate their confidence and resort to emotional blackmail. That way, you won’t even have to lift your hand to leave nasty bruises, no.
Your victim will beat themselves up to save you the trouble because a cruel Criticism planted into the mind of someone who loves and respects you will grow into a tree of self destruction right into adulthood.
Being a strong minded, well opinionated woman, I managed to survive this type of abuse by forming a thicker skin, building fortresses of protection masked by a tough exterior because I educated myself through the words of strong feminists like Maya Angelou.
Others are not that lucky. Children conditioned in verbal, mental, emotional and psychological abuse grow up to be adults who continue the vicious cycle.
Ever wonder why some woman go back to the guy that beats them? Well, at some point, their parents justified corporal punishment as “I hit you because I love you and want to show you right from wrong.”
Before anyone jumps onto their high horses, hear me out.
You might think that is obvious, but, it’s not. Its more than a blackened eye or a broken jawbone, it’s the vicious onslaught of your daughters mentality as she matures into womanhood. It’s the subtle cruelties of labelling her as stupid or brushing aside her achievements.
It’s the absence of love and the encouragement of negligence that gives physical abuse the perfect conditions in which to prosper.
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