3 old farts from Rome
On our way to friends one night we got stuck behind a slow car with 3 old men in it. When I got to the friends house, his mother answered the door and I blurted out that we would have been on time if it weren't for these three old farts driving ridiculously slowly.
She then stepped aside and introduced us to – you guessed it – the three old farts who happened to be priests from Rome!
Don't tell lies in front of children
Many years ago, when my children were still little with very innocent and honest minds, we were vacationing at Umhlanga Sands. My older daughter (Anthea) was 10 and my middle daughter (Natasha) was 7.
We went down to breakfast on the first day and me, being a good mother and knowing how little Anthea ate (she was born skinny and at 31 today, is still skinny), I decided I wouldn't pay for a full breakfast for a child who would probably only end up with half a slice of toast anyway.
There was a sign on the wall that read "children under 8, breakfast free", so when I reached the counter to give our room number, I was asked how old Anthea was, so I said "just turned 8" (she looked small – she didn't look ten – and today, as previously stated, she's 31 and looks 20! I'm ready to jump off a cliff!!!!!).
Anyway… Natasha, who was leaning against the counter, decided that her 'moment of truth' had arrived! She let out a huge sigh, looked at me and said "Oh no mommy, she's not 8, she's 10"! It's taken me years to creep out of the hole that I wish I could fallen into at that moment.
I smiled with clenched teeth at Natasha, rolled my eyes at her, warning her that she'd hear from me soon, but she was obviously not very interested in what my eyes were telling her. She looked at the man behind the counter and told him, "My sister is 10". He must have thought that I was probably going to fall flat on my face in front of him due to the crimson colour of my cheeks, neck and ears, so he smiled and just told me to go through and didn't ask any more questions.
Needless to say, for the rest of our holiday, we didn't go down to breakfast again. I stocked the little fridge in our room with EVERYTHING, had breakfast in the room, and only went down to lunch or dinner, when someone else was stationed at the counter, this time giving true and correct information about Anthea's age, much to Natasha's approval.
Sometimes kinky should just be left outside of the office
I still blush just to think about it.
I was working for a firm of Chartered Accountants who employed several young articled clerks. The clerks were always teasing the female staff and we gave back as good as we got. One of the clerks always wore a particularly loud pair of checked pants.
Our office had a fairly long corridor at the end of which was our strong room where the clerks were often busy with filing.
One day as I walked past the strong room a person was bending over a box filled with files and all I saw was a large posterior clothed in a pair of checked trousers the same as the articled clerk wore every day.
I couldn't resist and pinched the protruding rear and ended this gesture with a gentle smack. I proceeded down the corridor surprised that there had been no reaction and turned around to see why not – only for the senior partner from Head Office to be standing up from his box of files and staring at me in a state of complete shock.
Luckily I was not fired that day.
How to embarrass your parents at church
A full church, preacher at the door, bidding farewell to members and guests. Along comes me, at the tender (and clearly very observant and open) age of 4.
I march straight up to the preacher and pronounce loudly with hands on hips… "I bet your pee pee is not as big as my Dad's pee pee". To which he responds "Well Rowena, I really don't know, I would have to see it"
Embarrassing moments in doses of 3's
This just has to be anonymous!!!
3 embarrassing moments:
When I was French-kissing the first boy I ever kissed, at the age of 12 (nice and romantic), I burped in his mouth! Needless to say, that one didn't last.
On a flight overseas, I was sitting next to 2 businessmen going off to Europe for a conference. After making pleasant conversation with them earlier in the evening, we settled down to watch our movies. Naturally, that was when I needed to pass some air. Thinking it would be a silent one, I let it go.
To my horror, it was so loud, and so long, that it was clearly heard, even by myself, over the sound of my headphones. Everyone around me naturally heard the disturbing sound. The 2 guys next to me both turned and stared at me, for a terribly long and (inappropriate) amount of time. I stared out of the window (where there was nothing to see, as it was the middle of the night).
A few years ago, I had to have a tooth implant. I came to work and announced to my boss (a guy) that I had decided to go ahead and have an implant. He got a really pained expression on his face, as he really hates conversations which are too personal. He really looked very uncomfortable.
"What?" I asked, not understanding why he was having a hard time with my little comment. He managed a hushed "only one?", to which I replied "Of course!".
He seemed quite speechless – completely out of character. How he didn't manage to blush after my next perplexed question "What's wrong with having only one?" is just too funny.
Only hours later, did I realise he of course had been thinking I was referring to a boob implant…and I, in my delightful innocence, hadn't thought of that at the time! He must surely have sighed an enormous sigh of relief when he finally heard me referring to my "tooth implant".
Can you beat that?
Had any moments that were even more embarrassing than the stories above? Tell us about it in the comment box below.