Jersey Shore star, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is officially an author. We’ve read the excerpts and we’re horrified. What do you think?

So what does nuggets of wisdom and juicy creative metaphors can an author who has only read two books  - “Twilight” and “Dear John” - offer to the world? Here are a few choice excerpts from Snooki’s upcoming novel, “A Shore Thing”:

-  "He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

- "Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

- "Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

-  "I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

-  "Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

What do you think of Snooki’s writing? Do you think she’s Pulitzer Prize-winning material or did it make you question the entire book industry?

By: Kele Scheppers