Some time ago, I read an article on Women24 called Scary Sexual fantasies. Completely incidentally, the guy I’m seeing happened to also read that very article and this, of course, led to a discussion about our own sexual fantasies.
I have never really discussed my sexual preferences with anyone or, for that matter even admitted them to myself.
I know I prefer men, but that is about as far as I have gotten to picking out my boudoir likes and dislikes. (I do believe I am not alone here. Most of us simply don’t have the time to figure out exactly what we want and shooting from the hip is a lot of fun anyway.)
I do, however have three no-goes: threesomes, golden showers and porn. And so, our conversation started out as a titillating experience, with me bluntly stating these danger zones, just in case they were ever considered.
He went on to tell me the things on the list that sparked his interest... and that’s when it happened. That was the moment things got awkward.
Because the things on his list weren’t really fantasies, they were things he hadn’t tried before. In other words, he had already tried all the other points on the list with other girls.
I couldn’t stop imagining him doing all sorts of naughty stuff with his previous girlfriends. It doesn’t help that I’ve met some of his exes. I now had the added bonus of putting an actual face to the person in the compromising position, instead of some nameless stranger.
This is one of the many problems with firstly, thinking in pictures and secondly, having the ability to go from normal to neurotic in the blink of an eye. What was supposed to be an enjoyable discussion of what we each like in bed turned into a horror movie playing out in my head.
I never mentioned anything about my mental meltdown to him. I just changed the topic and probably won’t ever discuss those things with him again.
The experience taught me a few valuable lessons. It forced me to think about what I want and what experiences I would like to have. It also taught me that you need to separate someone’s past from their present.
I may not be the person he’s shared some of his sexual escapades with, but luckily there are quite a few left. And I have the chance to make them so pleasurable that his previous shenanigans will be as alluring as a Sunday school lesson.
Challenge accepted.