I was in a club one night when an argument broke out with two girls. One woman wore a red silk top, a bad weave and long nails. The other had high cheekbones, wore blue jeans and a white top.

"He's mine!" the first woman spat out. The second woman retorted, "Girl, I've been with him since January. He's at my place all the time."

The guy cradled his beer and smiled to himself, mentally congratulating himself on creating the ensuing drama.

The women's friends were up in arms. "Come on girl, you can't stand for this. Get her."

"I'm gonna tear your ass up, bitch."

People milled around waiting to see what would happen next and under the neon blue light of the club, the first slap was thrown.

It was like something out of Jill Scott's video, Getting in the Way. Her attitude is untouchable as she warns another woman, "Sister girl/I know you don't understand/But you going have to understand he's my man now/What you had is gone.”

Jill doesn’t mince words, "I been a lady up to now don't know how much more I can take/Queens shouldn't swing if you know what I mean/But I'm bout to take my earrings off get me some Vaseline." (Apparently, you smear the Vaseline on your arms so the other woman can't grip you as you beat her up.)

For a man? I don't think so.

Maybe I'm too proud or too vain, but I can't imagine any man who is worth that kind of degradation. Nonetheless, I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's a sad state to be in.

Where did we go wrong?
As young women, we all want romance. We grew up on fairy tale notions of Cinderella and Prince Charming, and we were told to believe in the magic of love. But there are some things that my childhood pal, Cinderella, should have told me.

First, Prince Charming may not search the kingdom for you when you've lost your shoe. In act, he will probably not call, may not sms or e-mail. And he certainly won't turn the town upside down looking for you.

It's just easier to find a new date.

Second, you don't always have to look like you're going to a ball. None of us can maintain first date standards. You see, first dates are opportunities to be seen at your best. You do the make-up, the hair, the dress, the shoes... and flutter down the stairs to meet your handsome escort in a golden carraige.

But when you wake up nine years later, after giving birth to three of his children, you realise tracksuits will do just fine.

Third, when you have snagged him, you will find a few things you don't like about him. Like the way he snorts when he laughs. Prince Charming isn't perfect either.

Fourth, don't give him some on the first date. It may be common sense, but when that guy smiles sweetly at you after the date under moonlight, don't get to your front door and say, "Do you want to come up for some coffee?" Be strong.

Finally, be a lady. It's easy to lose your cool when you think you love someone. Girl, no man is worth losing your dignity.

Guard your heart
I knew a man once who wove his way into a crack into my heart. It seemed so easy to rise in love with him. We didn't do much. We just sat in his room and talk about economics and politics. I fell in love with the gap between his teeth.

Don't get me wrong, he wasn't perfect. He was prone to self pity and drank a tad too much. But I loved him passionately and I had the courage to tell him. He decided I wasn't worth it.

Rejection is one thing. But to be rejected knowing that you were the best you could be and it still wasn't good enough... well, a part of you dies.

So I started working on myself.

I had to start from scratch, finding that self that mattered, that gem that made me worthwhile. It's not easy. But there comes a day when you wake up and he is not the first thing on your mind. You realise he is gone. And you guard your heart a little more carefully next time.

Perhaps, I didn't fight hard enough, but I am not willing to extend blows for any man, I don't care how good he is. I will not be found in a nightclub tearing out any woman's hair. No man is worth that.

Right?

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