There is a saying somewhere that the more you tell a woman how beautiful she is the more beautiful she becomes. If it’s not a saying, it should be, because there is so much truth to this little nugget of should-be cliché.
To be desired is a powerful aphrodisiac; to be told why you are desired is a love potion par excellence.
My favourite lovers have been those that didn’t hold back or hold out on telling me how much my body – me, my smile, my tits, my arse, my curves, my legs, my smell – turns them on. And I do the same – even with those shy little tigers too afraid to open their mouths. They eventually come around.
Sex is an act of the senses and all of them should be indulged.
But it is also an act of vulnerability, and verbalising your appreciation for your partner’s assets (whatever they are) is a validation and an ego boost. No sex god or goddess was created in the midst of raised eyebrows and bored stares.
It seems so obvious, you’d think that all sexy bedrooms would be filled with words of saucy love and body worship. And yet…
This week a tidal wave of appreciative sighs swept through the interwebs when an anonymous reader posted a letter her partner had sent her. It’s a love letter to her body; an explanation of how her body turns him on – how he likes to take her in and taste her; how he love the way she moves and fucks…
‘… I am tasting and encountering the desire of a full and curvaceous, truly horny woman's body and soul, a need that pours out onto me, that expresses wildly and severely and sweetly the need of you to fuck me, or to just fuck. I see your shape – I have always seen your shape (yours, you) – as the expression of a woman whose flesh has its own way and will and character…’
Apart from my making my vagina yearn for some man lover of this caliber, it made me wonder about the response it received from women around the world.
Why was this so amazing? It’s sexy, but it’s not dirty talk.
The feedback from those who had read it was primarily about the fact that a man had expressed his consummate desire and appreciation for his girlfriend’s body. Not any body. Her body.
Are women in general so starved for, so unused to, hearing desire for their bodies from their man people?
We live in a society where it is frowned upon as unPC to objectify sex and women’s bodies and I wonder if this inhibition has crept into the bedroom. I wonder if our own sense of irony and distrust of cheesy cliché has stopped us being better lovers.
Because you have to be a little cheesy, generous and openly honest to compliment your partner and express yearning for them as sexual beings – as an object of your sexual desire. It’s sexy as fuck and if you haven’t tried it yet, you should give that shit a bash.
And there’s the rub. Women are not the only ones who are more likely to drop their inhibitions and be better lovers in the warm embrace of delicious appreciation and love words. So are men.
Humans are funny that way. We all want to be wanted and like having nice shit said about us, but we’re sometimes just too shy to say so. If I were to give you one exercise to improve your sex life and strengthen your relationship – write a love letter to your lover’s body like Don Juan above did and tell me how it went.
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