Owning a kink store, I often get questions about the products that I stock.
Yes, I do cater to those whose bedroom antics may be considered as running a little left of field. And yes, some of the items on my “shelves” probably do look a little daunting, might need a few subtitles to understand exactly what they're for and where and how to use them.
In fact, a friend was once so intrigued by the anal hook, or rope master, that no attempt on my part at offering an expert and professional explanation would satisfy. I simply had to send her a picture of one in use.
It seemed to do the trick as no further questions ensued.
The world of kink can seem a little scary, but with an open mind and adventurous spirit it can also be very rewarding.
Unless pain is the desired outcome of your game, most toys are not designed to hurt, they're designed to give you pleasure.
If you're looking at dildos and plugs, the sinuous lines of these products are aimed at giving you a sensual experience. Quite simply, they’re designed to fit, to touch, to stretch, to fill and to tantalize those erogenous zones.
Something to always keep in mind when trying new toys, especially the insert-able kind, is to relax and take things slow. Slowly explore the shapes, the lines, the curves, the features, the sensations and while these new sensations might seem a little uncomfortable at first as your mind processes exactly what it is that you’re feeling, short of having an underlying medical condition, they should not be painful. So if anything hurts, stop immediately.
Another rule of thumb when it comes to insert-able toys is “lube, lube and more lube”. You can never use too much. Grease yourself up like a piggy at the country fair and things will glide along, and in, more smoothly.
And please use common sense. Take it slow and easy. Work your way up in size when trying new things in new places. (I was being facetious about the Coke can, don’t do it!)
Even the more scary looking stuff like the crops, canes, floggers, clamps and paddles don't necessarily need to be painful unless that's your thing in which case, of course, go wild.
However, if you're going in for more extreme corporal punishment, there are some rules to follow in terms of where it's safe to strike, pinch, bite without causing any serious or permanent injury, and you might need a little practice first. So get a lesson from someone in the know before throwing that bull whip at your lover shackled to the bed post.
And this is why I raised using common sense. The world of kink is loads of fun but it can be dangerous too, fatal even, if you don’t use your head.
When it comes to BDSM, while being restrained can be an intensely erotic experience, bondage safety is. You need to learn it! If you string your partner up by their neck, they will hang. If you gag them and they cannot breathe, they will choke. If you bind their bits too tightly you will cut off circulation and cause permanent damage which is just counter-productive and will take the fun out of it all.
And for goodness sake, if you’re playing with ropes - no suspension from the ceiling at home unless it’s been reinforced and you've attended a hands-on rope bondage workshop, or two.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is don't be shy. Everyone started somewhere. Ask questions, read up, surf the net and learn so that you can have fun and play safely. And don't let anyone tell you there's a right way or wrong way to do kink - short of breaking the law, the only “right” way is the one that feels right to you and the person you're getting your kink on with!
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