There are two things in the world that are reminiscent of a monkey trying on underpants: the frequency with which I fall in love and, of course, finding the ideal Willy. I sit here in my pj pants wondering about the debate that often ranges at all girl dinner tables/book clubs/post coital reviews/informal drinks parties: Does Size Really Matter?
"No!" your under-endowed partners will claim... "it is the motion of the ocean." The problem with this, is we all know the surfing is better when the waves are bigger.
We live in a world where bigger is better. If someone is not literally blinded by the light refracting off your engagement ring your future hubby's suitability is called into serious question. If your house does not have five bedrooms and a garden the size of Newlands Forest you cannot possibly provide a good life for your family. But does size really matter? (I am REALLY throwing guys a lifeline here!)
Yes, we have all had those occasions where you are lying there, your fella pumping away, but all you are getting is a rather striking image of a ten pin bowling ball blasting down an empty alley. You start to wonder if in fact you yourself may be a little larger than normal in the nether regions, as what looked like a fairly standard size willy at first blush, is not hitting the mark at all.
BUT for those ladies who have not had the pleasure of an extra few inches, it is not always better. In fact sometimes it can be downright scary. A girlfriend of mine once claimed she did not know if she should suck it or put it over her shoulder and burp it. Clearly sex was out of the question.
After being the self-anointed Chairwoman of the Penus Largus Society for many years, in fact since I was first sexually active, I have always encouraged friends to consider bigger as better and to openly laugh at anything average or below.
But after encountering some smaller specimens I think I have changed my "bigger is better" mindset. You see, we are all different sizes and like puzzle pieces, some men and women fit better than others.
So I have started to subscribe to the Karma Sutra sizing chart (don't feel bad, I have also never read the Karma Sutra). The Karma Sutra says that men and women are classified differently based on the size of his lingam (laymen’s terms Penis) and the Depth of your Yoni (Laymen’s terms va-jay-jay).
Men and women are matched: the hare with the deer; the bull with the mare and the horse with the elephant. No, this is not some type of animal farm porn fest; these are our ideal or equal sexual matches.
Although I am not quite sure how you go about deciding whether you are a deer, mare or elephant or deciding if your man is a hare, bull or horse. BUT maybe we should just approach it as we do those fun rainy December day puzzle marathons; just keep on trying till you find the perfect fit.
So much for bigger is better. Who needs a spare bedroom anyway... and a big ring will only get you mugged.
Thoughts, girls? Share 'em below.