Question:
I am a very sexually "healthy" female in that I like to have sex regularly and I like to spice thigs up in the bedroom. My boyfriend, however, doesn't share the same sentiments and I basically have to beg for sex!
He says that he doesn't want to talk about it all the time (he's over-exaggerating, of course) and he doesn't feel the need to do it all the time, and he never initiates it – I always have to.
The thing is, there are 2 other friends of mine who are having the same problem, and we always thought that it was a problem with the ladies not wanting to indulge in sex often!
I've asked my boyfriend if I don't turn him on or if he doesn't think I'm sexy and he says that it's nothing like that at all. The thing is that we haven't had sex for like 2 months now and there are always big gaps between when we have sex. I don't think it's healthy and I'm gagging for it!
Are the roles reversing these days where women are more eager than men?? What's wrong with these boys?
- Nats
Answer:
The tables have indeed turned! We just never allowed men to have headaches before – now they demand their headache!
Seriously, it is incredibly disturbing to be with a man who has no/low desire or low interest in you sexually and shows no eroticism in the relationship. It brings a woman to her knees – humiliating, depressing and confused.
First, you want to check that he is medically sound – low sexual desire is one of the signs of a medical illness. If he is under 45 and there are no indicators he doesn't need hormone tests done then he may need a lifestyle change – maybe less alcohol, more exercise, better food and lower stress etc.
However, if it turns out that he is a healthy man then it's your call. Many men just have a low desire for sex, or little interest. And sadly this does not change over time – it gets worse as now he is stuck in a corner emotionally where he knows you are disappointed, pissed at him, and even if he wants sex, he knows that it's awkward and tense so he'll avoid it even more.
I recommend that you and your partner visit a couple and sex therapist together.
- Dr. Eve
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