This year has been anything but dull so far, but if you were hoping for smoother sailing, it’s time to batten down the hatches and get ready for another bumpy ride.
In keeping with the current cosmic flow, this is officially the year to shed any boring inhibitions and let out your inner wild child in the boudoir.
Here are eight outrageously sexy suggestions to get on down and do the dirty…
1. Lick your partner’s bottom. Yes, I know…it’s dirty! But not if you take a romantic bath together first and lovingly wash each other all over. And if you’re still squeamish, pop a cut-open condom over your tongue, then lick to your lover’s content. Rimming, as it is called, is thrilling because it’s naughty (we’re not supposed to lick something so disgustingly filthy, are we?) and the anus is rich in nerve endings, so it’s highly sensitive to sexual stimuli. And how many lovers are willing to offer up such rude, erotic pleasure?
2. Have sex in a public place – but be discreet. The last thing you want to do when you phone for bail is explain why you got arrested in the first place. Find a quiet spot in the mountains, from where you can see people approaching in all directions. Or slip into your hotel swimming pool at night, find a sheltered spot on the beach far away from the madding crowds, or hey – pop into restaurant toilets or your office lift for a quickie. The rush you get from anticipating being caught in the act is likely to lead to a passionate all-nighter.
3. Throw a hot oil wrestling party that will forever scandalise your neighbourhood. Cover a room in your house with some waterproof lining and tell your buddies and their partners to bring a bottle of oil and skimpy underwear they don’t mind getting ruined. When the covering is down, throw some oil on and get everyone to strip down for the action. You could make some wrestling ‘rules’ – like the winner is the one who pins their opponent on their back for 10-20 seconds – and offer a prize for the ultimate winner. Watch things heat up as the clothes go flying off…
4. Offer yourself up for some kinky (light) bondage. Strip naked and tell your partner he or she is in charge. Ask to have your hands or feet tied up – or hell, both – and your eyes covered with a satin blindfold. Then give your lover licence to do as he or she pleases for, say, 20-30 minutes. With any form of power play, it is essential that there’s absolute trust between you – so if you don’t trust your other half implicitly, don’t even go there. Also, agree beforehand on a special word like ‘grandmother’ to mean “absolutely stop right now and untie me”. But don’t choose the word ‘no’. Half the fun is saying “no!” as if trying to resist, when you really mean “stop, stop – I love it!”
5. Ask your lover to shave off all your pubic hair – and then return the favour. If you’ve never gone totally nude before, you’ll be amazed at how sexy it feels. It’s also quite erotic feeling so vulnerable in your partner’s (hopefully skillful!) hands. You’ll love the effect your clean-shaven look will have on your lover. He will relish the clear view of all her sexy bits, which are normally hidden in fuzz, while his hair-free erection will look smooth and impressively bigger.
6. Make an x-rated movie of your steamy bedroom action. Role play a mini ‘movie’ as if you are serious (and probably, hilarious) porn actors and stick to your roles throughout. It’s amazing how sexually liberating it can be to pretend you’re someone else and get to act out some of your secret fantasies to boot. Include lots of close ups – these make for erotic viewing when you watch it together later, and guarantee another hot ’n heavy session.
7. Sneak in some sex at your workplace – preferably at night and preferably with your lover rather than a colleague or that old cliché, your boss. One of the most popular places is of course the boss’s desk, for obvious reasons. It’s good manners to clean up any, um…aftermath. Make sure that your wicked indiscretion isn’t witnessed by that ambitious co-worker with designs on your job. And check for any security cameras that could record your naked frolicking, otherwise you might have some rather embarrassing explaining to do!
8. Invite your lover to an x-rated peep show. Set up a cubicle with curtains, put on a fantasy outfit that makes you feel incredibly sexy, and ask him or her to be seated behind the curtain. When you’re ready, instruct your lover to part the curtain. As if you’re alone, play with yourself to some sexy tunes, using a host of erotic items like strawberries and chocolate, champagne, massage butter, lubricant, or your favourite sex toys. Let your lover watch but not touch. When things get really steamy, invite him or her in to take your performance to a crescendo and afterwards, ask for a tip…