From an annoying habit, a mannerism or something they do that drives you insane, these personal allergens which might be small to them, could snowball and eventually impact on your relationship.
A friend of mine told me she met this guy, she thought was “Mr. Right”, they had this amazing connection, they both loved movies, fast cars and were adrenalin junkies, she thought this was a match made in heaven. Until she heard him laugh, like really laugh, louder than everyone else, laugh to a point that you would think he was having an attack of some sorts. With snorting etc.
She was shocked and embarrassed especially when they were in public. She hoped he would tone it down, but it didn’t. It slowly became something she repulsed and she eventually had no choice but to call it a day.
Mr. Right faded quicker than his laughter.
For some people they would probably laugh at her for such a flimsy excuse for the break-up, however, it’s the little things which can have a cataclysmic effect. Things which he might not think are a big deal could jeopardise the relationship.
The more he says she is sensitive, the more he flirts with disaster, because she sees him as set in his ways, selfish and indifferent. Suddenly the issue of the snorting or spastic movements in laughter becomes a burning issue, the match which lights the bonfire.
Battle Lines are drawn
Many of us have those deal-breakers, those romantic “wrecking-balls”; it’s not always infidelity, addictions, major differences in personality or opinions, having kids or not etc. which cause us to walk away.
All it can take is something small to sabotage a relationship. Someone who burps at the dinner table, or chews loudly or sings the incorrect words to a song. If these annoyances continue on a regular basis and irritates the hell out of you, be weary.
These allergens manifest, and become a litmus test for the success or failure of one’s relationship.
We all have that front stage behaviour, but once you married to this person the back stage becomes real. You may not like the back stage area. We see the person’s true self and we may not like this scene.
So from the beautiful/handsome, witty, cuddly, cute person we saw in our everyday love, morphs into an irritant / allergen. Most people work around certain habits, they are willing to compromise and overlook.
What irritates people? What annoys you to the point you want to put the pillow over their face whilst they sleep? What is so intolerable that it could eventually become a deal breaker? What makes your skin crawl when your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse does it? What’s your bugbear?
I asked friends, family, colleagues what annoys them and it’s amazing what people hate and wouldn’t put up with it: (names withheld for their safety)
Leaves his socks or shirt, next to the wash basket for you to pick it up?
Peeing with the door open
The Age Old Toilet Seat Saga
Peeking at mobile Phones
Opening Mail addressed to you
Getting way too drunk
Not showering before bed or in the morning
Clips toenails anywhere and everywhere
Not replacing toothpaste cap
Uncontrollable laughter at something which isn’t amusing at all
She won’t leave the house if one strand of hair is out of place
Stares and pervs at the opposite sex
Whistles all the time
Passes gas around people and finds it amusing
Slurps tea or coffee loudly
Flicks cigarette butts out the car window
Insists on wearing Crocs everywhere
She wears Granny Jeans for comfort
Eats off my plate without asking
Picture this scenario:
You reach point break when he leaves the milk carton on the counter again, you scream hysterically “You left the milk on the counter again …. I am leaving you, that’s it”.
So before you go ape and run down your driveway screaming tell your partner when it first gets your goat, might save you from putting on your running shoes.
Do we place too much weight on the negatives and underrate the positives?
The only way we can overcome it is to put it out there. Maybe find a way of laughing at their annoyances, tell him “his sneezes feels like an earthquake,” or “her snoring sounds like an 18 wheeler truck".
If we talk or joke about our annoyances we tend to not bottle it up. It doesn’t have time to fester so we acknowledge they exist and accept them as part of the fabric of a relationship. You might drive each other crazy but no having each other would be unimaginable
Deal Breaker or Not?
Some relationships do survive annoyances; the love for one another outweighs it. If you keep the communication line open, then it will be fine. One needs to constantly make their partner aware of what’s annoying them and vice versa.
Iron those creases out before it becomes a royal mess. It’s been researched that women have more allergens, and these could become deal breakers quicker than our counterparts. You might not see the toenail clippings as a big deal, but that could be the tripwire which causes an explosion. If one is annoyed and irritated it manifests, eventually you start detesting your partner, because all you see are toenails everywhere.
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