If you've seen the movie Meet the Parents, you probably remember "THE CIRCLE OF TRUST” where Robert De Niro’s character, Jack, a former CIA agent says a person is either in or out of his circle of trust. Basically, there’s no in-between.
Trust; – noun: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc, of a person or thing; confidence.
Trust is such a major factor in all relationships. Be it romantic or platonic. Having no trust is like having no actual meaningful relationship at all. Trust involves reciprocity. If I trust you, you're more likely to trust me.
If you trust me, I'm more likely to live up to that trust. If I am an untrustworthy person, we would not be on that level, I would be someone you greet, exchange niceties to, and walk away.
Trust is closely linked to reputation; I would rather be known for my trustworthiness and reliability.
When you abuse a person’s trust; you don’t know if that person will forgive you or not, hence you are playing with that relationship. I have learnt some hard lessons in life. I have learnt to apply different levels to trusting, this is based on the relationship I have with you. Maybe this is a clinical way of dealing with relationships, may not work for you, but it’s definitely working for me.
I believe one cannot just give someone 100% trust; there should be stages to developing that trusting bond. I read a book about “Building Trusting Relationships” and without over complicating this as there were many different circles I adapted what related to me and streamlined it into 3 categories:
“Rules-based” Trust
The most basic level of my trust. This relates to people who I am acquainted with, probably met you a few times, know your name, and occasionally interact with you. There are rules in place to prevent one party from taking advantage of the other. If you violate these rules, there are consequences involved.
“Day to Day” Trust
I can trust you with the everyday type issues we experience together, this level has some depth to our interaction, we have personal knowledge of each other. I can reliably predict your behaviour . You are probably my work colleague or we know each other through close friends, or extended family relationships.
“Core” Trust
This level of trust is reserved for the closest relationships in your life such as your spouse, family, and best friends. This level is very fragile as we are the most transparent and vulnerable at this level. We share an innermost part of us that not very many people see.
When someone betrays our trust and confidence at this level, we are gutted and devastated.
So the next time someone says “trust me” there isn’t just one-size-fits-all approach in life. I have learnt that we need to extend the right amount of trust depending on the level of the relationship.
What are your thoughts? Do you give everyone 100% until they betray your trust?