My thoughts
I find myself constantly at odds with people and their thinking. I understand that some cultures and religions allow polygamy, but I battle with the WHY in this day and age? Even though I hear both sides of the arguments, I am still entitled to opinion as you are to yours. After countless debates with several people and from personal experience, my internal jury is still out deliberating on this issue.
With El President’s latest marriage, some approved, and some were up in arms. even though some people enter into a polygamist relationship; there had to have been a starting point before the actual act of marriage … it had to have started off as an affair for you to have reached a point where you decided to make it less sinful?
Polygamy
Polygamy has existed in various parts of the world for thousands of years. Certain societies have deemed polygamy unacceptable, and in some societies it’s still widely practiced.
In the African and Muslim communities it’s acceptable however I believe so much of my religion’s clear views on this issue are misunderstood.
Back in the seventh century, men married multiple wives for practical reasons -- to forge alliances and strengthen communities, to save widows from a life of misery, to prevent women from becoming prostitutes etc. aren’t things different now? Women are educated, independent and in many cases self sufficient, so why are most settling to be the other women?
In most countries including South Africa, the patriarchal system exists. A wife needs only to be informed of her husband’s decision to marry again. Even though Muslim wives have no choice but to accept many are not happy with sharing their spouses. They adapt and work around this, but I know of several women who feel that they are not fairly treated.
This issue of polygamy is complex and a heated subject; I am sure a few religious leaders probably will take me over the coals for comparing the two.
Extra-Marital Affairs:
Emperors of the Indian and Chinese empires not only had an Empress, but they had many consorts and concubines. Even royalty had their fair share; Jane Shore, mistress of King Edward IV of England, later mistress of Thomas Grey, 1st marquis of Dorset, and then of Lord Hastings. Micaela Villegas, a famous Peruvian mistress. Nell Gwynne, mistress of King Charles II of England. Madame de Pompadour, well known courtesan and the famous mistress of King Louis XV of France. Prince Charles had Camilla whilst married to Diana.
It doesn’t matter what walk of life you’re from; extramarital affairs are an equal-opportunity disaster.
We frown at Polygamy, yet Extra Marital Affairs is overlooked and some times more acceptable. So which is lesser of the two evils, knowing your spouse is with someone and is constantly “ducking and diving” OR you know who your spouse is with, she is “his 2nd wife”????
A male relative’s stance on the topic was this:
“There are more women in the world than men. So if every man has one wife, there would be millions of women left alone. The ratio is even more if one takes into account that some men are gay, that reduces the number further. If gay marriages are acceptable, society acknowledges affairs, why then is polygamy not accepted”
Religious or not ... my opinion. Women are not living in squalor, most women are independent, successful and self sufficient. I understand that some women are fully accepting of this arrangement of polygamy, they find it liberating, to share the responsibilities of their spouse, and it’s almost like a time-out depending on how the sharing is structured. Some simply have no choice but to live with it. And some are of the belief, “either I am your current wife or your ex.”
Some 2nd / 3rd marriages today start of as an extra marital affair; to prevent further “sin”; gossip and reputations being tarnished ... its rectified by entering into a religious loophole, I think polygamy today is abused and misused. Whether you follow Islam, Christianity, Judaism, because no matter how you clothe it, adultery is still adultery. Everyone involved is affected. Bonds of trust are broken, and in many cases never re-built.
The scope of this topic exceeds the boundaries of the word count for my article.
This quote by Karen Armstrong is so apt:
We have to see the ruling about polygamy in context. In seventh-century Arabia, when a man could have as many wives as he chose, to prescribe only four was a limitation, not a license to new oppression.
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What do you think about this issue? Would you be accepting if your spouse decided on having multiple wives? Would an extra-marital affair be more acceptable “what you don’t know, won’t hurt”?