A reader wants to know if sleeping with her partner is good for her and their relationship. What do you think - should she wait?

 I want do sex before marriage with my partner. It is safe, good for me or not? If not good, why? 

Farzna

Sensuality expert, Marina Green, answers:
Gone are the days when other people's opinions are the basis for our private, personal decisions. The beauty of being an adult in a modern society is the opportunity to make choices for deeply individual reasons.

You ask whether sex is safe or good for you? Well, apart from the obvious universal consequences of unsafe sex resulting in unwanted pregnancy and/or Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), the person who should determine safety and goodness (if those are desirable qualities) is you.

What kind of physical and emotional safety are you interested in?
What kind of relationship would you like to create with your partner?
How do you like to make decisions for yourself?
How do you express your own desire and sexuality with another?

These are good questions to think about. My point is that you, Farzna, are going to have to figure out what is good for you - and why or why not you would like to do something. From the basis of feeling into what it is that you really want, and trusting yourself that you are able to know this- and act upon it- will come the suitable decision for you personally.

If you feel that you need more info on the physical aspects of sex and the prevention of STIs and pregnancy, I highly recommend reading some of the good educational books available. You can find them in most local bookstores in the health section (Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Dr Christiane Northrup is a great one).

Also books which focus on the emotional and spiritual aspects of sexuality are wonderful. If you need to figure out a few things for yourself emotionally and mentally with regards to the relationship, consider chatting to an older, compassionate woman friend, or find a counsellor to help you become more informed. Counsellors should be impartial and support your independent decision-making - try Lifeline or look online for reputable, accredited services, such as Whet Sensuality Emporium.

Good luck with negotiating your way through this exciting time in your life!

Do you believe in sex before marriage? Pop your thoughts - and your advice - in the box below.
By: Reader