He says, she says...

Are men feeble-minded? Or women just too complicated? The lowdown on life, from both sides of the gender divide.

He says...
Nearly all the problems men have with women are that they complicate life too much. The basis of success for nearly everything in life should be the KISS philosophy: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

The mind boggles at how complicated women make a simple task, like getting dressed, for example. We assess the situation, think about the level of sophistication of the evening to decide what to wear, have a shower and get dressed. Ten minutes, maximum. There are two options: jeans or a tux. Anything in between just overcomplicates the issue. There's no worrying about 'who'll be there?' Or if 'they'll notice what I'm wearing'. Oh come on! Just get dressed!

Then there's the question that spawns fear in the heart of every man: 'Do I look fat in this ...?' Followed by the inevitable argument and the slow ride to oblivion. That question is SO loaded there's just no way to get around it. Anything a man says at this point is doomed to fail. So we keep quiet.

Her: 'Why aren't you talking to me?'
Him: 'Nothing to say really.'
Her: 'Are you ignoring me?'
Him: 'No, just quiet.'
Her: 'Is it something I said?'
Him: 'No, I just don't feel like talking.'
Then the killer: 'Don't you love me anymore?'

Where did that come from? One minute you're trying to avoid being slaughtered by dialogue and the next you're on the verge of divorce.

Level playing fields? I think not. According to actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only place men want depth in a woman is in her cleavage. Can it be that men are so shallow that all they want is a pretty girl on their arm who doesn't say much? Yes, of course, but at least we're honest about it! Funny, though, you'll often find an intelligent man with a not-too-bright woman. Why? Because they are less likely to remember a situation that happened 15 years ago.

Men believe that having a mental relationship with a woman makes it impossible to love her. To know and understand the mind of a woman is a danger zone that could lead to the destruction of any man. We don't go there. That's why we are the way we are: quiet and unassuming. We would rather maintain a state of ignorant equilibrium with a woman than to begin to understand her. Better the devil you don't know than the one you could be living with!

Why are women just not happy with men as they are? A woman falls in love with a man, spends 20 years of her life trying to change him and then complains that he's not the man he used to be. Yes, men are simpler, but we like it that way. Why complicate life just for the sake of complicating life? Why fix it if it isn't broken? But of course, if it's broken, we'll fix it, particularly emotional issues. The thing is, men don't look for faults in women.

We accept that they have them and leave them be. We have worked this much out: women are devious by nature. If a man wanted to say something, he'd say it directly. There would be no guessing about the real meaning or a possible hidden agenda – it's right there in front of you. A woman, on the other hand, says one thing and means another. What on earth for? Say what you mean, woman!

Reading between the lines is for women who are too bored with conversation to understand the real meaning of the lines themselves. In any case, if women would just stop complaining about men and learn how to change a tyre, understand the rules of cricket and sit quietly for five minutes with a beer on the sofa, life would be a lot simpler.

Do you agree? Or is this just a load of rubbish? Tell us in the comment box below.

Click here to see what She says...

Click here for tips on listening and talking to your partner.

- Ideas

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